Blow It Out Your Ass

With the World Cup in full swing one thing has stood out in every game. It's not the exciting play on the field, or the chants of the colorful crowd... it's those gawd damn Vuvuzelas. What the f*** is up with that.

Seriously I want to take a vuvuzela and shove it up every vuvuzela blower’s ass.

In case you are unaware or what a vuvuzela is, change the channel over to ANY world cup game and listen... that dull drone that sounds like a swarm of bees in the background that never stops; that is a vuvuzela.

First of all it's a South Africa thing... a trumpet shaped horn that when blown plays one continuous note from start to finish. They only cost a couple bucks so almost every attendee of every football game has one and they blow it whenever a great play is made, or when there is a bad call made, or when the ball is being passed from one player to another, or when there is a substitution, or when the ball gets kicked, or thrown in, or caught by the goalie or when there is a penalty kick, or when the guy in section 126 gets up to get a coke, or when there is absolutely freakin nothing going on on the field, or when the crazy girl with her boobs painted up like soccer balls flashes the crowd (actually, I blew my horn when that happened too, rum pum pum) or any time the vuvuzela owner wants to blow their horn, they blow their horn... which is basically from the time they enter the arena to the time they leave... they never stop... not ever... not for anything. They are the Terminators of the World Cup.

Those f***ing horns are killing these games. They are the most annoying, distracting, and dumbest thing you’ll ever hear at a sporting event.

I swear I've even been hearing them in my sleep.

And, I'm not the only one. Apparently the players are sick of them too. More than one superstar has come out and said that the vuvuzelas are a distraction and make it very hard to communicate on the field. Cristiano Ronaldo, Captain of the Portugal National Team and subject of many women's dirtiest fantasies said, “they are so loud when your on the field and such a huge distraction… they almost take away from how gawd damn good looking I am.” Ok, I just made that up… but my wife did say that she would sleep with Cristiano Ronaldo if people would stop blowing those damned horns. And, that’s saying something for her to be willing to cheat on ME with Cristiano Ronaldo. Ok, it’s really not, she’d probably ask me to hold her legs up so Cristiano wouldn’t have to strain himself screwing her, but still… those horns suck.

Instead of the cleaver chants that most European and South American players are used to while they play the beautiful game they now are getting a monotonous droning. Instead of the incessant "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL," that usually accompanies the rare point they are getting "HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM" forever... and ever, and ever; good, bad or indifferent, "HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM."

And, I'm sick as f*** of it.

Hopefully someone over at FIFA will do something about it. Soon. I mean it speaks volumes that they guys selling ear plugs to block out the constant hum of the vuvuzelas are making a mint.

We know it's a South Africa thing... but this is a World thing and the World is tuning out.

http://g.sports.yahoo.com/soccer/world-cup/news/buzzkill-vuvuzelas-ruining-world-cup-experience--fbintl_ro-vuvuzela061410.html