Heidi Dumps Psychic Manager

I wonder if he saw this coming.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/03/19/heidi.montag.psychic.manager.ppl/index.html?hpt=Sbin

Heidi Montag dumped her Psychic Manager, Aiden Chase today. She has decided to go it alone and manage her own career... which is the only thing worse than hiring a psychic manager.

Apparently he acted like an ass on the set of her new movie and tried to woo Audrina Partidge from her manager. Big whoop. When are you showing us your boobs? Come on, get on with it for the love of Pete.

Blind Sided

My theory has been proven once again... No matter how hot they are there is someone out there who is sick and tired of their shit!

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/jesse-james-apologizes-to-sandra-bullock-following-infidelity-rumor/37681?nc

In this case that someone is Jesse James and he apparently is sick of wife Sandra Bullock's shit.

The woman with whom Jesse is bedding down with is Michelle "Bombshell" McGee... the tattooed woman you see in the attached picture. She identifies herself as "the hottest busty tattoo and fetish model you will ever meet."

Why on gods green earth would Jesse bed down with such skunk bait... because she apparently is willing to do anything he f***ing wants. Because there is nothing that I can see that would explain it.

Sandra seems like such a goody-goody... the perfect woman to be married too. She's pretty (some would say hot), she seems to be funny, she seems very vibrant, she's so damn cute... the perfect wife.

OR, maybe she's a total bitch who is a really good actress that only likes missionary style. Only Jesse really knows... however, say what you want about "Bombshell" McGee... Missionary is only a snowflake on the tip of her sexual iceberg, guaranteed! Get Freaky!

Dumb People Need Slaphand Too.

Reille Hunter, the videographer that f***ed John Edwards chances of ever being president or even thought of as decent ever again, was interviewed and photographed for an article in GQ has come out saying she is extremely upset with the photographs used in the article. She went as far as to say the picture of her looking sultry in a white dress shirt and little else (seen here) is repulsive.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/?fbid=eKlahbGddle

It's GQ not Harper's Bazaar or Good Housekeeping and you posed for the f***ing thing, so why is it at all a surprise that it showed up in the mag.

She claims she "trusted" the photographer and "went with the flow."

Good call.

Is that like when you trusted John Edwards to keep your relationship out of the press when he was being followed by hundreds of news media, or like the time when you trusted him to do the right thing and fess up to being the father of your child.

Maybe you need to re-evaluate your ability to pick people to trust.

John Edwards is a dirt bag and your not many steps above him. You slept with a married man, even after being caught by his wife, even after she got cancer, so just shut your pie hole, take your sexy photos, and go with the flow.
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Terry Nichols, of Oklahoma City bombing conspiracy fame, recently went on a hunger strike while in Federal Prison in Colorado to demand a more fiber rich diet apparently got what he wanted however says "much more needs to be done."

http://www.kdvr.com/news/kdvr-nichols-diet-031310,0,195249.story?track=rss

Nichols has also filed a lawsuit that argues the lack of available whole grains and fresh produce harms his health and violates his religious beliefs causing him to "sin against god."

You mean "sin against god" like conspiring to kill hundreds of people by exploding a large bomb while they worked in an office building... are you talking that kind of sin? Because I am a little confused on the level of sin we're talkin.

I am also confused on stuff like "why this guy is still breathin?" and "what does it take to get a guy shanked in prison?" and "fiber, are we talking about fiber?"

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Casey Anthony's lawyers don't want you to see her as a partying whore only as a baby killer.

To update you, Casey Anthony is on trial for killing her 2 year old daughter, Caylee.

See here's what happened in a nut shell; Casey Anthony's mother reported to police that her 2 year old grand daughter had been missing for a month. Anthony claims she dropped the daughter off at a babysitters and when she returned the sitter and her daughter were no where to be found, so instead of calling police she decided to do her own month long investigation into the disappearance of her daughter without telling the police or her parents. This did not stop her from partying a few time with friends during the "investigation" though.

Police came to find the sitters apartment had been vacant for months prior to Anthony supposedly dropping her daughter off and the babysitter has never been found, nor is it believed that she even exist. Months into the investigation the body of Caylee was found in a marshy area less than 1 mile from Anthony's home with evidence of duct tape being used in the homicide... the same duct tape that was found in Anthony's home.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/caylee-anthony

So, let me see if I have this straight... you dropped your daughter off at a vacant apartment, to a woman who doesn't exist and then decided not to report the crime to police so that you could investigate the matter yourself but come to find out your daughter ends up being dead and found with duct tape on her that you had in your house.. and your worried about a few party pics.

See, the judge has recently released photos of Anthony in various less than desirable poses... well, less then desirable if you are trying to get your client off of a murder charge by trying to pass her off as a good and caring mother.

Said pictures depict Anthony as a bit of a whore and a party animal. The party pics are a little damning, however they should be no more damning then fact that she killed her own daughter then tried to cover it up with a lame ass "babysitter" story while she investigated it... for a month.

You have to be a complete dumb ass to think that people would buy that shit. All I can say is enjoy the lightening ride honey.

I Forsee Failure

Anytime you can trade your current manager in for a psychic manager you got to pull the trigger on that.

Heidi and her boobs have hired Malibu based psychic, Aiden Chase, to manager her career, stating, "having an intuitive psychic leading my team gives me an edge no one else has."

Yeah, that worked great for Shirley McClain. However, I digress. What you should be doing is baring your two greatest assets; your witty sense of humor and ability to cry on cue.

Of course I'm kidding... just show us your boobs already!

Considering that your previous manager was your dumb shit husband, Spencer, trading up to a psychic probably was a pretty good move. He is definitely a solid choice... solid!

Or, and I'm just throwing this out there... you could hire an actual celebrity manager who is neither, A - your husband, or B - a whacked out fraud. Just saying.

Good luck... now when is that next Playboy shoot, cause when it's done your 15 minutes will be just about up. And, no one needs a psychic for that. (Unless of course you go bigger!... DO IT!)

http://www.showbizspy.com/article/201350/heidi-montag-ditches-husband-as-her-business-manager.html

VPITF: Lindsawhat?

Lindsay Lohan didn't win an Oscar this past weekend because she is a horrible actress, however she does receive our second VPITF (Virtual Punch In The Face).

Freaky Friday is suing e*Trade for 100 million dollars. YES, that's $100 million dollars for using her name in one of their cutsie E*Trade baby commercials.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100310/lf_nm_life/us_lohan_etrade_lawsuit_5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEXZ2hfD3bU

That's $50 million for compensatory damages and $50 million for exemplary damages. What that means is she is not only claiming that she should receive money for actual damages but that the damage was done maliciously.

Are you so eff'd up on painkillers that you think e*Trade, in addition to trying to earn money by allowing you to trade stocks via their web applications has the goal of ruining your life. REALLY. Because that doesn't really seem like a good business strategy to me.

The Parent Trap (more like the coke trap) claims that the baby that is referred to in the commercial as "that milkoholic Lindsay" is based on her likeness and character.

I decided to list all of the things you have in common with the baby in said video.

1. Your names are Lindsay.

And, that's it. I really don't see how your going to get 100 million dollars based on that. Unless of course you are saying that because the baby is refereed to as a milkoholic and you are an alcoholic those things are related too.

I think this is a good indicator of how high you are on prescription medication and cocaine to think that you are ever going to get money from e*Trade. For that I think you need a good 'ol fashioned punch in the face. It would probably help you out and would make me feel tons better.

Also, get some creme rinse for your hair... your mane is starting to look like a red scarecrow hair.

The World Stopped for 13 Minutes

Tiger Woods broke his 3 months of silence today when he came forward and told us absolutely nothing new about his plight. In a well prepared and thought out speech (done by some his PR folks, IMG, that are banking right now) Tiger Woods told us jack squat. Let me sum up 13 minutes in a couple of lines... "I'm sorry, I cheated, I am seeking help, it's not Elin's fault, I'll play golf again... someday."

You know, I always thought of Tiger as a machine... I mean the guy goes out on the golf course and does the same thing over and over and kicks ass. He's like a terminator... he will not stop... ever! But, this was always just a metaphor. Until now. I actually believe that Tiger is a robot. He is a machine. Did you hear his speech? Robotic I tell you... he spoke... like this... "I am very sorry... I have been bad... I am going... to continue... to try... to convince you... I... am... not... a... robot (queue watery eyes)."

You know what else I loathed about this contrived speech other than the tone, that he apologized to his sponsors before he apologized to his dads memory and the kids that idolize him. That right there tells you what is more important to Tiger. "I am sorry I am losing millions, oh, and that I f***ed everything in sight."

The guy is a complete control freak. Everything seemed to come off just a little to planned. From only allowing his people in the room, to reading off his prepared speech verbatim, to not allowing anyone to ask questions. I can hear his PR guys telling the producer now... "hey man, we can't program the robot to answer the questions that fast, so you're gonna have to nix the Q&A, man."

I just don't get it. Why not explain what happened and be done with it. Tiger left so much out there for speculation. He has never explained what happened on Thanksgiving. Never addressed the women who are making claims, never explained his disappearing act, never talked about his "rehab." He has never addressed any rumor, true or contrived. So, what does he expect?

His privacy?

You gave that up when you started making millions on your game and on your image. Sorry. That's what you give up, to a certain degree, when you accept your role as a celebrity. Ask any of them. They may not like it but that is what you give up for all the perks that celebrity brings you... and there are plenty!!! Endorsements, money, upgrades on everything from airline seats, to cars, to free meals and drinks, and apparently all the tits and ass you can handle.

So, if you want to end the suffering, the reporters waiting outside your gates, the helicopters buzzing overhead, the constant and non-stop hounding... then you gotta rip that band aid off.

See, I'm a rip the band aid off kinda guy. I don't want to slowly peel it off so that I feel each hair getting pulled out of my skin. Just rip it off and deal with the pain all at once then start the recovery process. If I'm him I'd fire IMG (his image reps) and hire someone who isn't trying to milk this paycheck for all it's worth. Someone that would say... you want to be done with this shit, do this...

1. (grab the band aid) Tell Elin everything. If you want to stay married to her then ask her to stay married and quit f***ing everything. Get help if you need it. Get counseling. Cause you definitely need to work some shit out. If you don't want to be married, then grant her a divorce and give her some money... you got plenty. And the kids... look you can still be a good dad even if you were a shitty husband. BE A GOOD DAD! (if you ask my opinion, I'd say divorce)

2. (rip that bitch off) Call a bunch of reporters into a room, tell them what happened on Thanksgiving. Tell them you slept with a lot of women. Tell them how Elin found out. Answer questions. Next, give a one on one with Barbara Walters (or someone of the like), and speak from the heart. Tell her you know you let a lot of people down and that your sorry. Say it once! Any other apologies you need to make face to face; i.e. sponsors (even if they dropped you), family, friends, fellow golfers. Get the info out there so there are no more questions to be asked. The truth is always easier.

3. (say "ouch" and recover) PLAY GOLF. As soon as you start winning on the golf course this crap goes away. It'll take a little time for the golf announcers to stop mentioning it, but after a few months and a few wins... all it will be is about how you overcame such diversity instead of what you did. It will become another strength; your transgressions will become an asset.

But no one asked me. And your still dealing with the same shit. Even after your Terminator speech.

The Day After

Today should be a national holiday... so why are we working?

I know your nursing a hangover, indigestion, and a lack of sleep due to the previous two items. You celebrated with 100 million Americans last night and although there was no Declaration of Independence issued, nor savior of man born this day, the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday should be a national holiday!

Name another event that brings Americans together like the Super Bowl that is not a national holiday. An estimated 100 million people watched the game in the U.S. We can barely get that many people to vote in a presidential election, let alone agree on such topics as Health Care, Iraq, Afghanistan, and which hussy the bachelor should pick.

Such occasion to unify as a nation should be recognized. Call it Super Monday, American Sports Day, National Hangover Recovery day... call it Presidents Day and move that weak ass holiday to the day after the Super Bowl... whatever, just give us our day... our day to celebrate our national unity and for me to rid myself of this gawd-awful 7-n-seven induced headache.

For all those interested in making the Monday following Super Bowl Sunday a National Holiday I highly encourage you to visit http://www.superbowlmonday.com/

They are trying, you can help!