Tattoo Barbie

Mattel recently announced the release of a new "Tattoo Barbie." (Article:http://kdka.com/watercooler/barbie.tattoo.mattel.2.950549.html). Mattel, capitolizing on a great marketing plan (Sue the competitor for so much money they have to close up shop), hopes to slut up Barbie enough to take over the void left by the now defunct Bratz girls.

Thier first step into this edgier market is to tat that bitch up. Yes, your child and Barbie can spend a couple of hours each day gettin inked. I can see it now; a nice heart on her lower hip, a little angel on her ankle, a couple of roses with the word LOVE on her boob, or the ever awesome cherry with date by her snatch signifying the date she lost her virginity to Ken. And, these same tattoos could also be put on Barbie.

Anyway, Slap Hand would like to suggest the following Barbie Edge Series followups:

Pass Out at 2:30 Frat Toy Barbie - She comes complete with several empty cans of cheap domestic beer and a bottle of vodka. Frat Toy Barbie can also be "squeeked" with a sharpie (sold seperatly) and used like a garden empliment. Frat Toy Barbie is a popular compliment to the Sigma Omega Frat Boy Ken. Spend hours getting Barbie drunk and working her like a migrant farm employee.

Meth Head Barbie - A favorite of midwestern pre teens. Meth Head Barbie with her brown snarled teeth and bruised arms and body is an awesome addition to any collection. Also purchase the Barbie Trailer House / Meth Lab with complimentay bunsen burners, glass vials, and cases of Sudafed. If the cops break in just plan on a quick get-away in the 1985 yellow Ford Escort with 1 red door. But watch out for the Trailer House EXPLOSION action.

Bunny Ranch Barbie with Double Team Action - Based on one of the popular HBO series Bunny Ranch girls, this Barbie is crazy flexable and has the ability to put her legs behind her head. Your daugher will also be impressed when she presses the button on Barbies back actuating Barbies Double Team Action making her accessable to TWO Kens. Nothing says childhood fun like Barbie getting double tapped.

And last but not least

Talking Corporate Barbie - I know what your thinking, that's not to bad... With the push of a button Talking Corporate Barbie says things like, "Hi Mr. Smith, would you like to do me today, hehe, I mean, what would you like me to do today," "Is my skirt short enough to get a raise... in your pants," "Does your wife know you're working my ass late... literally," and finally, "mum mum mum mum mum, not in my hair okay, mum mum."

Yes, thank you Mattel for helping mold our daughters into the pillars of soceity all dirty men hope they will be.