Dew Addict

This is no shit...

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/More-on-Caron-Butler-s-extreme-Mountain-Dew-addi?urn=nba,198240

Caron Butler, of the Washington Wizards, expresses his addiction for the "neon-yellow rocket fuel," as he calls it.

I called it "kick-start my heart juice."

I too was a Dew addict. And when he explains how hard it was to quit he is not making that crap up; cravings, night sweats, headaches... it's horrendous

For years I'd wake up in the morning and chug a Dew and then chase that with one at lunch and one with dinner and maybe one more before I went to bed. And, these were not 12 oz cans, no I was filling up a 32 oz cup... I figured I was putting a 2-liter away a day.

I came off the juice at the beginning of the summer of 2009 and I can totally emphasize with him, it was like two weeks of hell. I'd crave that shit. My head would start pounding around 10am and just throb all day. I was trying to supplement with green tea, but that's like trying to stop a cannon ball fired at your chest with a Kleenex.

Screw cigarettes, the FDA should be looking into the additives they put in Mt. Dew. I know there are some addictive stimulants in there, hell, maybe cocaine.

Over time I lost about 10 pounds after eradicating the Dew from my diet, however, I don't have the energy level in the mornings that the Dew gave me and I miss it, like a baby misses it's mother.

To this day I still get a craving once in a while. About 3 weeks ago, I broke down, while making a long drive and had one to help me stay awake, I had the shakes for, like, two hours. It's crazy stuff... awesome crazy stuff.

Balloon Boy Bolonga

Not since the swine flu outbreak that was going to kill everybody have I been so enthralled with an internet-centric story... and so let down with it's anticlimactic ending as that of the Balloon Boy of Fort Collins.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_boy_in_balloon_83

I imagine you were either in an African jungle or outer-space if you did not at least get water cooler talk about Balloon Boy the day after the trip that didn't happen happened.

At approximately 1pm CST I tuned in to CNN to see what was happening in the world... located at the top of the page was a "Breaking News" story... "6 year old boy floating 8000 ft over Colorado."

WTF

From that moment on I was glued to news reports, live webcams, and proximity reports from friends in Colorado for the next several hours. I got sucked in like John Holmes at a porn shoot.

I watched webcam images as Balloon Boys silver saucer drifted across his Colorado backdrop and listened to reports of his brothers telling of his boarding of the craft, of possible rescue means, of altitude readings, of National Guard helicopters and airport closings and airplane diversions... I was on the edge of my seat wondering how cold it was in the craft, how scared this 6 year old boy could be, how well built was this back yard dirigible, how was this going to end.

As the craft started to loose helium I watched in horror as it begin to spin and teeter toter, wondering now if the box on the bottom could stand the stress or if it would break apart sending Balloon Boy on a free fall that would bring certain death.

I became an instant expert on the properties of helium; how the cold affects it, it's lifting properties, as well as Mylar; it's strength, it's weaknesses. I learned of science projects, weather experiments, wife swapping, and even of a balloon crash in China. Anything and everything relative to the story was being shotgunned at us by the media.

I found myself running through a stream of emotions imagining how the parents must have felt watching the same images unfold before their eyes.

As the craft began to drop I wondered what condition the boy would be in, if he was even alive.

And then in an instant the balloon was on the ground and within seconds rescue personnel and media reporters were all over it

What for the love of god was going on!

Then they said it, "the boy was not in the craft."

WTF

After a few hours of what ifs and hows and even a brief moment when a sheriffs deputy claimed to have seen something falling from the craft, did Balloon Boy walk into his parents living room. As it turns out Balloon Boy got the wrong nick name... he should be called Attic Boy.

The kid never got in the gawd damn balloon... Attic Boy had retired to said accommodations after getting in trouble with dad and "napped." He was scarred to come out when her heard people yelling for him thinking he was in trouble.

Again the emotions, "oh thank goodness he's alive... now let's whoop his ass." What a story, what an ending... it was AWESOME. But, wait... it was planned.

Turns out we got dupped; during an interview with balloon/attic boy he makes a commit that "we did this for the show."

Ahhhhh, what show?

You mean to tell me this kid, his wife swappin dad, and rap video mom and brothers (youtube it), concocted this whole show to land a reality TV gig. What kind of sick f$&# messes with mine... and the worlds emotions like that?

Now they are even talking about pressing charges on the Balloon Family and making them pay for the expense the county and various government entities expended chasing balloon boys would be vessel.

But you know what?

It won't matter... the Balloons will get that and more; in book deals, magazine spreads, movies of the week, and perhaps even that treasured reality TV show.

And, you want to know why... because Americans love a train wreck. We love our Octomoms, and Gosselins, we revel in our Biggest Losers and Dancing Stars, we sing with Glee over Survivors and Bachelors and just flat out enjoy real Housewives and real Worlds. We can't get enough of it because we love drama, conflict, and f#$%ed up people. For the same reason you can't drive past a car accident without slowing down and trying to get a peak of catastrophe you can't stop watching the wrecks of reality stars lives.

We're gonna love the Balloons and their wife swappin stories, and domestic violence reports, and their whacked out trio of rappin misfits, and their high school educated meteorology reports and their incessant need to be the center of attention and we're gonna love hearing about thier impending divorce, thier probable sexual abuse and adolescent drug problems... because we're media monkeys. And, that's the banana, er balloon, we want.


p.s. Why is it called "Reality TV?" Reality TV to me would be watching some guy do the same thing for 10 hours, take kids to soccer, then go home, watch some TV and go to bed. It should be called "Surreal TV." Cause that ain't reality for 99% of the U.S.

a-haaaaaaa

Pulled from the "why is this news" column... the 80's pop sensation (I use those terms losely) a-ha is calling it quits after a 27 year long run.

http://new.music.yahoo.com/a-ha/news/80s-pop-sensation-a-ha-to-call-it-quits--61995229

Unfortunately this reporter doesn't remember anything this band did after 1986... in fact I had to look through the WWW to see if they even had another hit after "Take on Me." They didn't. So why do I need to know that a Norwegian one U.S. hit wonder is breaking up... I guess to remind me that I was a teenager 20 some odd years ago and just like a-ha I'm getting older.

What's Wrong With Us

Seriously, whats wrong with us.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/10/09/gun.soccer.mom.dead/index.html

The above link tells you about a husband that killed his wife because she was divorcing him. The wife is the "enfamous" gun totting soccer mom; a woman made famous because she carries a loaded sidearm to her childrens soccer games because she is licensed to do so and a judge backs her rights.

There is so much wrong with this story. First, why is there so much of, "man kills wife, then self...," or "man kills wife, kids, then self." When did we as a people begin to think that killing everyone, then ourselves was a solution to anything. At what point does one think... "well, we've yelled at each other, we've fought, she's leaving me, what should I do now, oh, I know, I'll kill her, the kids, then myself. That's the answer." How eff'ed up are you to think that killing your wife and self is going to provide anything constructive to lives of your children, family, and friends.

Don't get me wrong I've been mad at my wife... I've been mad at kids. I've argued with my wife. I've yelled at the kids. I have never thought, "F$%& it, I'm killing everyone." That is a very permanent solution to what is, more than likely, a temporary problem.

What you say, your wife is cheating on you... she doesn't love you anymore... she won't sleep with you anymore... , she's getting banged more than a drum at a Blue Man concert by half the town, she's spent the last six months collecting credit cards in your name and charging porn and S&M shit on them. Well, better kill the bitch... and the kids too.

You see this story over and over and I just don't understand the mentality of an individual that thinks this way... what kind of a MAN thinks this way. So, your wife doesn't love you, that sucks, but you know what... it happens. GET THE F$%& OVER IT! There are 6 billion people on this planet and there is probably someone out there bat shit crazy enough to love your dumb ass despite your shortcomings. In the immortal words of Ellis Boyd "Red" Redding, "Get busy living, or get busy dying."

And, speaking of dying... I am cool with killing yourself. If you are so weak that you think that will help you and everyone else, then by all means, do it. We don't need your soft, dumb ass here anyway... it's just eff'in up the gene pool. But, just because you're a can't hack it piece of crap doesn't mean the wife deserves to die too. She may be a worthless whore but that doesn't give you the right to take her life.

And, why kill the kids. What the hell did they do? This is the most eff'ed up part of these scenarios. Just because you married that skank doesn't mean they need to die too. Give the poor bastards a chance. They are probably going to be some f%&*ed up kids because of you, but they deserve the chance to live their lives and make their own decisions for Christ sake.

Who the hell does this shit?

Well, let me answer my own question. The same man that marries some dumb bitch that thinks its OK to carry a GUN to a little league soccer match.

W !
T !
F ! is wrong with people.

You shouldn't have had your license to carry revoked, you should have been taken out back and had some sense beat into your dumb ass. Carrying a gun to a kids soccer game, COME ON. Wake the F%&# UP. Am I the only one that has a problem with this.

Apperantly not, because someone recended her license to carry.

However, shortly after that some judge, that I hope was not re-elected, then rescinded the revocation and she was allowed to do it all over again. Because of her right to bear arms... because her license says she can, what happened to my rights to feel safe at my kids soccer match? Because she passed a background check, took a half day long course, and passed a test she can now carry a gun around at my kids game. AHHH DAMMNNNNN, What the blankity blank is wrong with us.

We are our own problem... I fear we're just too damn stupid to help ourselves. F$%& it, I'm going home to kill the wife and kids. Goodbye cruel world, uh, scratch that... goodbye dumbasses.