Thursday, October 21, 2010

While I Was Away...


As you may have noticed it has been sometime since I posted. The Carnie story just took it out of me and I need to recoup... OK, that's a lie, my home computer is broke and I can't blog from home anymore until it gets replaced. So, I sneak in a few key strokes at work now... so here are some news articles I may have missed reporting on.

Olathe, KS - A friend of mine noticed in his local paper the police report for the week of Sept 6-12. Please note the highlighted item.

OLATHE 66061

Neighborhoods west of Interstate 35, including such areas as downtown and the Cedar Creek, Northwood Trails, Persimmon Hills and Santa Barbara Estates subdivisions.

- East Old 56 Highway, 500 block: Forgery. 6:27 p.m. Sept. 8.
- East Old 56 Highway, 500 block: Stolen financial card used for $672 purchase. 9:15 p.m. Sept. 8.
- West 151st Street, 20700 block: Stolen purse and its contents. 10:18 p.m. Sept. 7.
- College Boulevard and South Pflumm Road: Injury wreck. 5:40 p.m. Sept. 9.
- East Elm Street and South Harrison Street: Injury wreck. 8:45 p.m. Sept. 10.
- East Loula Street and South Ridgeview Road: Injury wreck. 11:06 a.m. Sept. 12.
- East Poplar Street, 1000 block: Stolen license plate. 8:52 a.m. Sept. 10.
- Santa Barbara Boulevard, 1600 block: Damaged lights and walls. 1:30 a.m. Sept. 8.
- South Carbondale Street, 11500 block: Battery. 11:01 p.m. Sept. 9.
- South Cherry Street, 200 block: Stolen license plate. 12:57 p.m. Sept. 10.
- South Edgebrook Street, 900 block: Aggravated criminal sodomy. 4:01 p.m. Sept. 12.
- South Hamilton Circle, 1500 block: Stolen cigar and grape soda. 4:03 a.m. Sept. 9.
-
South Iowa Street and West 121st Street: DUI arrest. 12:10 a.m. Sept. 12.
- South Lone Elm Road, 10900 block: Lewd and lascivious behavior. 1:30 p.m. Sept. 9.
- South Longview Street, 11500 block: Aggravated burglary; stolen drivers license and financial card. 11:36 p.m. Sept. 10.
- South Ridgeview Road, 400 block: Damaged bathroom door. 12:25 p.m. Sept. 10.
- West Dennis Avenue and South Kansas Avenue: DUI arrest. 1:11 a.m. Sept. 12.

WTF! This was ACTUALLY reported.

officer: Sir we were called to this address, we understand something was stolen.
complainant: YEsh sir, I was on my front porch sittin in my couch... and I had to go to the pee. 'hic.' And, I walked into the house and when I came back out it was gone.
officer: Uh sir, have you been drinking.
complainant: a little 'hic" but only since about 3:30 this afternoon.
officer: Sir it's four in the morning.
complainant: IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING!
officer: Sir, keep it down, your gonna wake your neighbors
neighbor: I'm already awake gawdamnit I got red and blue lights flashing in my gawddamn window.
officer: Maam, please go back inside... sir, what's missing?
complainant: Hey Sally, have you seen any suspesh ish ush behavior around here?
neighbor: you mean like some crazy old man sitting around drinking and smokin all day and wasting his lazy behind away... that suspicious type behavior.
officer: Maam, please... go back inside... sir what is missing?
complainant: duhh... my grape soda and my cigar... they were right here 'hic' on my front porch.
officer: seriously, you're grape soda and cigar... that's why we're here? (smiling)
complainant: You think this is funny... some crazy sombitch is walking around here stealing soda and cigars and you're gonna just laugh... what kind 'hic' cops are you.
officer: we'll file a report sir and put out an a.p.b on your valuables.

You know they did it just for a laugh.

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Bartlesville, OK - Donut thief pees in parking lot then solicits officer for sex. HELLS YEAH!
http://www.wxyz.com/dpp/news/national/Copy_of_police%3A-doughnut-thief-pees%2C-offers-officer-sex1287161016097

Police reported that a 27-year old woman stole a donut out of a semi-tractor about 2a.m. When confronted by a store clerk the woman dropped trow and pissed in the parking lot. When police showed up the and asked the woman to stand up she said she was to tired and was "sitting on her money maker." Then she solicited the officer for sex.

Ladies and gentleman... I give you the truck stop in Bartlesville, OK and the woman of my dreams. You gotta love a donut steeling, parking lot pissing whore.

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The picture a the top of today's post is an actual photo taken while journeying from Arizona into New Mexico on I-40 at a rest stop. I am trying to get New Mexico to make a sign out of it as you enter the state... Welcome to New Mexico... Bitches.

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