I am sure that you have all heard the tale of the frog and the scorpion.No, well, listen up then.
One day a frog was sitting on the edge of the river when a scorpion walked up to him and said, "frog, will you please let me climb on your back and swim me across this river, I would be truly indebted to you?"
The frog said, "Of course not. You are a scorpion and you would surely sting me."
The scorpion replied back to the frog, "That would be silly, if I were to sting you then I would drown along with you, as I can not swim."
The frog thought of this for a minute and finally said, "OK, climb on and I'll swim you across the river."
The scorpion climbed on the frogs back and they started out across the river, about half way across the scorpion stung the frog and the frog cried out, "WHY, why have you stung me scorpion? Now you too will surely drown."
The scorpion simply replied, "you dumba$$, I am a scorpion... of course I am going to sting you."
Well, that's the moral of today's post... No matter what they say or do, some people, just can't change. Once a scorpion, always a scorpion.
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Lindsay Lohan pulled a kid off of a swing set in a local park, pulled his pants down and sodomized him with a broom handle in front of his mom then smoked a joint and laughed. She was detained by police but will not be charged. In fact they are giving her a star on the Hollywood walk of fame. The kid just want's an autograph and a bag of ice.
Seriously would that little headline stun you? Of course not, this is Lindsey Lohan we're talking about.
Well, that didn't happen, but proving that the LA court system is a funnier than old episodes of Seinfeld, Lohan again is getting the "star treatment" after being accused of stealing a necklace from a Hollywood jewelry store.
The necklace in question is worth $2500 and was taken on January 22nd. Video surveillance shows Lohan viewing and wearing the necklace at the store on that date. She is also seen wearing the necklace a few days later in paparazzi photos. When the store said they were going to press charges, an assistant of Lohan's returned the necklace to the store. The store was not paid for the necklace at any point. Despite all that, Lohan has pleaded not guilty to the theft.
I can't wait to hear the BS she comes up with this time. I'm willing to bet very important parts of my anatomy, i.e., my balls, that she will claim... "to her knowledge" the store "gave" her, or "loaned" her the necklace and then pull some bunk where she claims stores do this all the time for her, cause she's an actress. And, of course, the court will believe it and she will be set free to pillage once again.
The judge in the case told Lohan in court this week "You're no different than anyone else," then booked her at the courthouse instead of allowing police to arrest her and take her into custody, and did all of this outside of the cameras view that were covering the case.
After giving a DNA sample and paying the $40,000 bond, the court then allowed her to leave out a back entrance to the courthouse, again outside of the cameras view... just like anyone else would be able to do.
Oh well. This is looking just like every other case where Lohan was wrongfully accused. She's a saint. When will we learn.
Plus, kudos must be given to Lohan for borrowing Sharon Stone's "snatch" dress from Basic Instinct to wear to court. Nothing says, "I'm taking this seriously" more than showing up pantyless in a skin tight white dress, smoking a cigarette, and spreading her legs as the judge addressed her.
Ok, I made that up... she wasn't pantyless. But, again, would it surprise you if she was?
http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_17339468?source=pkg
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Jennifer Aniston hates huge boobs and America, cause that goes hand in hand.
By huge boobs, I mean Heidi Montag and her husband Spencer Pratt (you thought I was talking about Montag's huge boobs, haha).
Supposedly Anistion barred Montag from the screening of her new movie "Just Go With It," that stars Adam Sandler and Brooklyn Decker.
This would of course beg the question does Montag have enough Hollywood pull to even attend such an event. And, the answer is "no." But, since she and her two co-stars (now I am talking about her huge boobs) have a bit part in the film she would typically be allowed to attend the gala.
But, Aniston supposedly barred the "actress" ( a term used loosely to describe both Aniston and Montag) from the screening because she is "too polarizing." Which is a nice way of saying "your tits are so big, they will steal the lime-light from me."
Montag replied by saying the whole thing was a big mix up, that she was invited, but she could not attend because she had to look after her dogs. Which is a nice way of saying, "I didn't want to come anyway bi#ch, and YES, my jugs are huge!"
http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/story/jennifer-aniston-bans-heidi-montag-from-film-premiere_1200746
p.s. The only reason a man would want to see this film is for that scene where Brooklyn Decker walks out of the ocean... even my 10 year old son says, "DAAAMMMMNNNNNN!" every time he sees that trailer.
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Hosni Mubarak will not be built a pyramid in his honor by his fellow Egyptians anytime soon. Unless it's built out of large piles of crap that has flowed from his mouth the past few weeks.
Less than 24 hours after telling Egyptians "I won't quit us," or something like that, Mubarak resigned and turned his power over to the Egyptian military.
What a mess.
I have a theory, actually I have many theory's, as you may have been able to tell by now, but this theory goes like this; Never go anywhere where they celebrate exciting things by yelling a tongue thrilling "Iyeyeyeyeyeyeyey," and shoot guns in the air... this includes Iraq, Egypt, and South Central Los Angeles.
For the past several weeks Egyptians have been protesting the decades of repressive leadership by President Mubarak which have been highlighted by several clashes between supporters and protesters of Mubarak in Egypts, Tahrir Square. This has lead to some reporters, like Anderson Cooper and Christiane Amanpour, being caught in the clash while reporting, from the streets, that there were clashes going on and that they were getting the sh!t kicked out of them... which serves them right... I mean, after all, they are rich, white, Americans walking around Tahrir Square like they own the place and expect nothing to happen... i.e. they are dumba$$es.
In the words of one merchant in the Egyptian capitol of Cairo, "these protest have set our country and economy back 50 years." So, that's like 1887... right. Seriously, do you think you were on the brink of becoming the next great technologically advanced state. In every protest picture there is noting but dirt covered streets, armed people bitching, and random goats. Could you imagine if they showed film of Times Square and it was a dirt covered road with goats tied to the street lights and Molotov cocktails flying across the joint, we'd get laughed at as a nation. Trust me, you ain't exactly Times Square, Egypt.
But, I digress. In the words of one Egyptian... "we are free."
Free. In a government that is currently being controlled by the military, you are free... I'm sure things will be awesome there by next week and you will be back up to your third world country standards.
In all seriousness, things may get better but it is going to take some serious time, and probably lots more of my tax dollars. Because, I'm sure we'll be sending a 'support' package to the Egyptians soon in hopes of getting our foot in their door... if not that, then maybe George Clooney can have a celebrity filled pledge drive.
Sean Penn, get your bags packed... there are people to be saved!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110211/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_egypt
