Monday Morning Quarterback

Although it looks as if Christina Aguilera would have no problem reciting you the ingredients and instructions to making double-fudge chocolate brownies apparently the National Anthem causes her fits.

And, thus begins our Monday Morning Quarterback blog of all things Superbowl... except football.

So, Christina blotched the National Anthem... but rest assured more embarrassing things could have happened... no I'm not talking about some Disney doofus ripping her blouse open to reveal her pierced breast, no I'm saying they could have flashed her current weight up on that BIG screen in Texas Stadium.

Good Christ, what happened to her. I've always had this theory that 3-6 months after a woman gets divorced she will look better then at any point during her marriage. This happens for three reasons.

1. Spite - She wants to say "f*** you" to the guy that left her by looking s#it hot when he knows he can't touch her ever again without actually saying a word to him.

2. More Spite - She's on the prowl for a new man (so she can start eating again).

3. Even More Spite - She wants everyone to know that I only looked like that because I was with him... it wasn't me, it was him.

Well, Christina totally blows that theory out of the water. Instead, she has apparently chosen to hoover up every scrap of food around her then go on national television, and in front of the largest possible audience ever, f*** up the National Anthem... the only song that every American knows.

There's only one thing you can say... Spite... Failed.

And, speaking of failure you gotta love it when FOX cuts to the luxury box to show Cameron Diaz shoveling food in to Alex Rodriguez's mouth like she was shoveling coal into a furnace. In the biz we call that "epic timing."

Actually, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I'm not in the biz. But, I know a F.U. when I see one.

(http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Video-Cameron-Diaz-weirdly-feeds-popcorn-to-Ale?urn=nfl-317849 )

And, that luxury box. Jerry Jones had invited George Bush, Barbara Bush, Michael Douglas, Catherine Zeta Jones, John Madden, Condoleezza Rice, Sugar Ray Leonard... and Austin, f***in, Kutcher. Don't get me wrong I love the movies 'Valentine's Day' and 'No Strings Attached' as much as the next guy straddling the man fence, but sitting with that better class, well better than him... come on. The guys a doof. And, what was that he was wearing on his head... a rasta hat. When did he become a Jamaican reggae singer.

http://www.yourcelebritystuff.com/ashton-kutcher/ashton-kutcher-sitting-behind-george-bush-at-the-super-bowl/

And, speaking of singers. Too bad we didn't have any for the half time show. (A-rum-pum-pum. Thank you folks, I'm here all week)

Actually, I don't blame the Black Eyed Peas for their poor audio performance. If I was Will-i-am I'd beat the s#it out of the guy who set up my mike... I think his name was I-F***ed-Up. They sounded like crap, and they looked like they had boards shoved up their a$$es. We've seen most of their act before, in their concert and on other television shows (MTV Music Awards), with the exception that they usually dance. However, they barely moved on the big stage and appeared to be nervous and scared. Like Josh Duhamel is every time Fergie says, "hurry, I'm about to piss myself."

http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/fergie-wet-her-pants-on-stage/

The mass of choreographed "Tron" dancers helped a bit, but even that was borrowed from the opening ceremonies of the Chinese Olympics, who by the way did it WAY better. Guest appearances by Slash and Usher did little to improve the scene, but at least Usher moved, the Peas looked as stiff as Willi's plastic hair piece.

But, the Peas are not alone in the "looking bad" category. The NFL and Jerry Jones joined them when they sold seats they didn't have.

Over 400 people had purchased seats and traveled to the game only then to walk through the gate to find out that they didn't actually have a seat like they thought. I guess special seats that were being installed just for the game did not get installed due to weather delays. Nice!

To make up for it the NFL offered people who got screwed in the deal three times face value of the seats they had purchased as a refund, which was $2400.

There's no way that would cover what someone spent on the Superbowl. You have to figure; 4- nights at a hotel at $250 a night (hotels in the area required a minimum 4-night stay), airfare, food, drink, plus souvenirs and other crap, let alone, the cost of the ticket, which if bought through a second hand vendor was WAY over the face value... I'd say you're looking at $4000 per seat. Minimum.

I'd be f***ing pissed.

You figure most people, in their lifetime, would never get to a Superbowl. And, these guys bought the cheap seats, so you know they aren't the corporate cronies that go every year. What does that "experience" cost? What's it's value? Certainly more than $4000 if you ask me. But, go figure, one of the unlucky guest has already started a website to sue the NFL, superbowlsuit.com. My guess is they will get four grand and then some.

On top of all this was the awesome Dallas weather. It maybe snows once a year in Dallas and even that is minimal and usually melted off by the next day... but, not this time. Dallas got pounded by snow and it didn't melt all week. Roads were closed, air travel was a mess, only about 2/3's of the stadiums entrances were open because of a concern for falling ice. Basically it all sucked. Now we get to hear the NFL pundits complain that the Superbowl should only be held in warm weather places like Miami, Phoenix, L.A. and New Orleans. Well, get used to it... next year is Indy and then an outside game in New York. Bundle up b!tc#es.

Commercials this year were OK. I loved the aforementioned Little Darth Vader VW commercial, but also liked the eTrade commercials, as usual, and the Chrysler 200 commercial with Eminem was kinda cool, even thought I would never buy a Chrysler cause Chrysler builds sh!t. Carmax had a decent ad, and women everywhere this Valentine's day will be getting cards that read, "Dear (name), your rack is unreal!" but I still don't get most of these advertisers spending $1.6 million on 30 seconds of ad time only to show us the lame a$$ sh!t they come up with, i.e.; Doritos, Pepsi Max, and whatever Kenny G. and Adrien Brody were selling. Every ad should kill with that kind of money being thrown around.

http://tv.yahoo.com/blog/the-buzziest-super-bowl-ads-of-2011--2278

And, finally, to end this edition of Monday Morning Quarterback I leave you with this... the Monday after Superbowl Sunday should be a national holiday and all business should be closed... so sayeth my pounding head and wrecked stomach.

http://slaphand.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-after.html


See you next year, if there is no strike!