Things I Learned This Week

While other members of Tiger Wood's gang (bang) are getting paid for opening their mouths (in more ways than one) the biggest payout looks to be going to the chick who's gonna keep her mouth shut. Tiger is apparently going to shell out $750 million to estranged wife Elin Nordegren to not say one damn word about Tiger or his inability to keep it in his pants.

For $750 million I would let my wife cheat on me... hell, I'd arrange for the dates and make sure the gentlemen were refreshed before, during, and after by bringing them cool drinks and fresh fruit. "What? Her ass isn't up high enough... let me get a pillow under there for you... there, that better?" Just make that check out to the SlapHand, honey.

What the hell do you suppose Elin has on Tiger that he is willing to shell out three-quarters of a billion dollars to her to keep her yapper from flappin'. Apparently something that would be so damaging to his career that he is willing to pay up for some shut up... even if he should die before her. Whatever it is I bet it's juicy... and smells like fish.

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Speaking of shuttin' up, Mel Gibson needs to take note. Mel's baby's mama, Oksana Grigorieva, claims to have made tapes of Mel running off at the mouth again and she has made them available to Radar Online. In the tapes Mel is quoted as saying, "You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of Ni&&ers it will be your fault."

Damn... boy went right to the N-word, that ain't gonna sell well in the African-American community.

He also called her a "whore" and "psycho hunt" (but he didn't say hunt) and he also warned, "I am going to come and burn the f***ing house down, but you will blow me first."

I am thinking that is pretty presumptuous... whore and hunt, maybe... but I don't think Mel is gettin' a blow job before he burns her house down... just sayin'.

This begs one question... How slutty was she dressed that it screamed, "Hey you 6 black guys, I'm a pig, rape me!" Anyone got pictures of that outfit?

Of course all this negativity stems from an ugly separation and ensuing custody battle over the child they conceived together.

Not that anyone is keeping score buy I'd say, Hunt 1 - Crazy As Mell 0.
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If you pray for something hard enough it just might come true...

Lindsey Lohan got punched in the face.

Let me savor those words for a moment... Lindsey... Lohan... got punched... in the face.

That's so beautiful.

Apparently while sipping Red Bulls (yeah right) at an LA Club to celebrate her 24th birthday Lindsey got punched in her damn face by one of the waitresses. Apparently Lohan was sitting next to a guy that the waitress had a history with. This sounds like another case where one's reputation precedes themselves. In this case, the reputation is that of being a whore.

I can not tell you how much I hope that Lindsey's "Snookie" moment was caught on film. I am once again praying. Please don't disappoint me Lord.

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Finally, Sophie Turner was photographed stretching before her jog yesterday.

http://celebslam.celebuzz.com/2010/07/sophie-turner-boobs-exercise.php?bfm_index=0

And, I am now officially out of hand lotion

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Tiger - http://thecelebritycafe.com/feature/elin-nordegrens-vow-silence-07-01-2010

Mel - http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/world-exclusive-more-mel-gibson-rants-caught-tape-calls-oksana-psycho-c

Lindsey - http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/punch_drunk_lindsay_lohan_gets_party_aqsAbLdNOPyDUa8Gir6hTJ?CMP=OTC-rss&FEEDNAME=