Top 5 Most Annoying Status Updates On Facebook

You've all seen them... annoying status updates. It doesn't matter if it's friends of family there are just some common post that everyone seems to throw onto Facebook that just annoy the shit out of you.

Well, below are my top 5 most annoying commonly used status updates and why they bug the crap out of me so bad.

5. "I'm at my kids game" - My kids play soccer almost every weekend and have practice twice a week... do you want to know every time this happens? I don't either. Now if your kid is playing a tournament in another city, let me know; that's kinda cool. It lets me know that no one is at your house right now should I decide I need a little extra cash by selling your crap at a pawn shop. Or, if they win something big... like the AFC Championship... that's fine, but I'll probably ask for Superbowl tickets if you do that. But I don't need to know that your kid is playing another baseball game in little league for the 3rd time this week.

NOW, should any hot moms be trolling the fields in a low cut tank top or crotch high mini skirt for her baby a new daddy be sure to post those pictures pronto.

4. "My Husband (wife, kid, etc.) is the BEST!" - These f***ing status updates are usually accompanied by photos of why said husband or wife is the best which is usually something they've bought or made for the other. All this sh!t does is make the rest of us look bad for not doing the things that make them the best.

On Fathers Day there was a ton of this crap.

One dad showed pictures of heart shaped pancakes his kids made him. Who does that crap? My kids apparently love me less then his love him according to his post. Well, F*** him. My kids didn't trash my kitchen or get me up early to make me eat they're shitty pancakes... they're the f***ing best!

Or, how about the husband that brings home flowers for his wife and she, of course, post it on Facebook, "My Husband is the BEST! He brought me flowers" So, when I get home, empty handed, I gotta to listen to my wife say, "did you see, Mary got flowers today." Big f***ing deal, so I didn't have time to stop by the cemetery today to get a nice bouquet. Tell Mary that I'd of brought you flowers too if I did what Mike did with the girl at the bar last night.

3. Song lyrics quote guy - You know the guy (or girl)...

But if I stayed here with you, girl,
things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
and this bird you can not change,
ohohohohoh.

Look. If I wanted to hear f***ing Freebird I'd play it on my iPizzy. Just because Facebook ask "what's on your mind..." I don't need to read about every song that pops into that jello mold between your ears.

What the f*** am I supposed to do with the lyrics to Freebird motherf***er, or Pink Floyd, or the Beatles, or any band.

Am I to assume you're leaving your girlfriend because your ass is "free as a bird." I'd rather not have to assume anything... just tell me, "I caught the bitch cheatin again... I'm leavin her." That I can respect and understand.

2. Religious Quote Girl - You've seen it...

"Let us love; not in word or speech, but in truth and action" - John 3:18

See, I've never been a big religion guy and consequently I don't need you cramming your god down my throat. And, if I was, I'd crack open the Bible and just fill my ass up.

Just like song lyric quoter guy you are giving me nothing to go with... what, you think your little bible verse is gonna make me feel better; you think I'm gonna read it and say, "I have not been giving myself to the lord enough lately." Is it suppose to save me? I don't want to f***ing hear it.

1. Cryptic Message Guy - These f***ers are the worse. They put up messages that say; "I've done it again," or "oh, no," or "guess what," or "I can't believe that happened," or any number of things that requires more information for me to figure out just what the f*** you're talking about.

I also like to refer to this post as the "trolling for comments post," or "begformation post." You basically want people to post comments on your status begging for more information. Well, I ain't gonna do it sh!tbird. Just tell me what you want me to know... I ain't got time for your dumb ass games. I don't sit around all day on Facebook or surfing the net looking for dumb shit to post up in my blog (well, uh, not ALL day). You can take your cryptic little message and shove it up your ass then post it,"Guess what just got shoved up my ass."

In addition to the above I don't care about your Farm, Mafia Family, or Cafe. I don't care that you care about something and if I care about it too I should re-post it. I don't need to know about a link you like, or play by play what you're doing. I don't want to take your quiz, answer your questionnaire, or take a poll. I don't give a sh!t which Star Trek character I am. And, I absolutely don't give a f*** if you're BORED!

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy a little Facebook time. I enjoy catching up with old friends I haven't spoken to in years. There's just some shit that you see, almost daily, that gets on my f***ing nerves. And, I just want you to quit posting it on your status... or I'm gonna purge your ass.