On Further Review

After looking up some other stuff on the artist from the Brangelina house I found this (it's graphic)

http://mike.wordpress.com/2006/04/07/warning-nude-britney-spears-statue-the-other-view/

Yes, the artist created a statue of a pregnant Britney Spears, on all fours, on a bear rug, with her baby crowning out of her vagina...

WTF!

Who does this shit? He gets my vote for crack pot of the year. Holy crap balls what a freak.

Own Brad and Angelina's Home... Sort of

Holy crap, there was a freak show going on right under my nose and I didn't even know about it.

http://www.news9.com/Global/story.asp?S=11690113

Some whack jobs have created a house called "the Brangelina" in Edmond, OK dedicated to the ESSENCE of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and their mushy weird ass relationship.

(for those of you who don't know, I live in Edmond)

Tulsa, OK artist XVALA (aka Jeff Hamilton) and New York sculptor Daniel Edwards have overseen construction of the home, which, on the outside looks like any other home in the surrounding neighborhood. However the house was constructed using the names, sayings, and the essences of Brad and Angelina's being to complete. Which basically looks like these two clowns just went over and tagged the house with spray paint, but whatever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gl9FCWyRD3A

Apparently, it's not what is outside but what is inside that shows off the true nature of Brad, Angelina and their undying love (which may die soon). Two statues: one depicting Brad and Angelina in a sweet embrace (aka, gettin it on) titled "throes of passion" mounted on the ceiling above the bed. This masterpiece was created with the crushed wine glasses the Pitts drank from when they met on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. The other statue which is in the foyer shows Angelina breastfeeding two babies... one on each boob. Awesome. Now that is some essence!

Call me crazy, but this "artist" sounds more like a "stalker" with "mental issues" who is crazier than a "shit house rat" and basically wanted to cop a feel on Brad and Angelina and this was the only way to get it done. I am willing to bet my first born that he masturbated on the statue. Right on Angelina's jugs... and probably her face. Just sayin.

And speaking of essence, I am also trying to figure out what other "essence" the builders were thinking of when they constructed this fine home. Would a new homeowner need to have the qualification of having cheated on his wife with a coworker? Or would a homeowner have to been previously married to a guy that insisted she wear a vial of his blood around her neck, or that makes out with her own brother? Do these homeowners need to have a kid that they have purchased from each continent? Does the new homeowner need to have been really awesome in a movie, like 12 Monkeys, and then totally ignored by the Oscars? Because that is the essence of Pitt and Jolie. Seriously what essence are they shooting for.

Anyway. Yes, I have driven by the house and aside from a sign outside that says "The Brangelina" you wouldn't know it was built by a couple of nuts. It's actually a nice looking house. For those of you interested in purchasing the home it does come with a caveat... both celebrities have full-time access year-round to the home. Yep, that's written in the contract.

So, if Brad Pitt, Angelina, and their brood, that now closely resembles a U.N. meeting, should show up on your doorstep you have to put them up for however long they want to stay.

I could see that. It's a random Tuesday evening and your doorbell rings. There stands Brad, "is this the Brangelina house?" "We were in the neighborhood and thought we'd drop in and stay a night or two."

You HAVE to let them in. I can see Brad and Angelina lounging on my couch while their wild banshees made of American, Southeast Asian, and African children run around tearing shit up.

I swear, if I was Brad Pitt, I'd do it. I'd just drop in some night and just make myself at home. Drink your beer. Make you watch some of my movies on your TV. Make sexually suggestive comments to your wife as we stare up at the statue of me and Angelina gettin in on mounted above your bed, "you like that honey... that statue is supposed to inspire 'sexual healing...' do you need some sexual heeling, we could bring art to life." Then I'd kick one of your kids out of their rooms and turn in for the night. I'd expect breakfast in the morning followed by more sexually suggestive comments like, "yes, I'd like milk in my coffee, but that's not the way momma does it," and point into the foyer at the breastfeeding statue. I'd stay for 8 days.

I am just absolutely amazed that someone thought this up and built it... in Oklahoma. And, that someone financed it (what kind of whack job is the banker). I also wonder if the two freak shows that inspired this house break up, do they tear the place down... cause seriously the essence would be gone.

p.s. I'd like to have five minutes alone with that statue before they destroy it.

This Hurricane is All Rocked Out... Almost

Hey Scorpions, you apparently don't know what "we're breaking up" means.

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2010/01/25/scorpions-announce-breakup/?hpt=Sbin

Yes, after 40 years of Rockin You Like a Hurricane the Scorpions announced today that they are breaking up! Despite the fact that they are releasing an album in March then launching a three year tour. So, yes, they are breaking up... in three years... which really isn't the same thing, is it? On the other hand, who gives a crap, name a Scorpions song after Wind of Change (20 years ago).

I'm waiting.

At least when A-ha broke up, they broke up.

http://slaphand.blogspot.com/2009/10/haaaaaaa.html

Move Over Mother Teresa

Heidi Montag recently underwent 10 (count em... 10) surgery's to maker herself more beautiful.

I don't agree with all the stuff she did to her face. The poor girl can't even smile her skin is so tight. Her face looks like it would crack before flexing. But, dizzzzzammm, she sure has a couple of enhancements I do like.

Heidi ballooned up her boobs to size DDD. You read that right... TRIPLE D's. And, she wants to go bigger, F's or H's, if you can believe that. Tears of joy are streaking down my face.

Is it to early to make this girl a saint? What does she need to be a saint, three miracles. Well, it looks like she already has two. Bless her!

News and Notes of the Day (yes I am bored at work)

Conan vs. Leno
I used to feel sorry for Conan until he settled today with NBC... for the tune of 45 million dollars, of which 33 million goes into his pocket (the rest goes to his staff of over 200 people).

http://tv.yahoo.com/the-tonight-show-with-conan-o-39-brien/show/44070/news/tv-news.en.ap.org/tv-news.en.ap.org-20100121-us_tv_leno_o_brien

This whole late night fiasco is dumbfounding to me... you'd think that NBC would have learned a thing or two after their first f***-up when they let Letterman go to CBS. But no, in true ignoramus fashion they screw this up too. And, then to let BOTH of their late night guys go on TV and badmouth their employer is beyond me. There must be a booth of monkeys running things over there at NBC.

Seriously if I had been in charge the first thing I would have done is tell Conan and Jay... "Shut the f*** up, don't say one disparaging word about this network or we'll sh!tcan you, your show, and beat up the guys in the band so fast your head will ooze puss for a week."


But, they screwed this whole thing up from the get-go by moving Jay to prime time to compete with big time shows like CSI Miami, The Mentalist, The Good Wife, and Piranhas with Nigel Marven (it's an Animal Planet thing - what is more awesome than piranhas... Jay Leno... I don't think so).

At the very least the squabbling and name calling has at least made both Leno and Conan watchable. Maybe NBC is on to something there...

(p.s. I'm a Letterman guy anyway)



John Edwards: Dad
Well Surprise... John Edwards is Francis Quinn Hunters father.

After two years of adamantly denying that he fathered a child with Rielle Hunter, his mistress and former campaign aid ol' John came forward and said, "yep, she's of my seed," or something like that.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100121/ap_on_re_us/us_edwards_daughter

What a sh!thead. And, to think I actually supported this guy at one time thinking he might make a good president. Not that fathering a child with your mistress then denying the affair, then denying the dad part, then hiding out while your wife fights an incurable cancer all the while your running for president is a bad thing... er, maybe it is. Who am I to judge?

I can't wait to see how baby Rielle feels about dad when she gets old enough to understand that he denied her being for 2 years. That's gotta make her feel all warm and fuzzy. Hello future emotional mess and media darling.

Anyway, I especially like the quote in the article attached above by Wade Smith, Edwards attorney, "To say that life has been hard for John Edwards for the past year would be an enormous understatement." Jeez, you think? It could have all been avoided by doing one little thing... KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS.

And, speaking of dick in your pants.

Tiger Woods in Sex Rehab

According to reports and a recent fuzzy photo (above) Tiger Woods has checked himself into a Sex Rehabilitation Clinic for sex addition.

http://www.golf.com/golf/tours_news/article/0,28136,1955406,00.html?xid=cnnbin&hpt=Sbin

That's the dumbest rehabilitation clinic I have ever heard of. I don't have sex anywhere near as much as Tiger and I only have it with one woman and I will admit that I am addicted to sex.

Oh where, oh where do I go to cure this crazy, maddening disease?

Give me a f***ing break.

If this isn't a PR move then call me Francis and color me stupid. He is there for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only and I have listed them by importance.

1. To Save His Image: Sponsors have been dropping him like I drop the f-bomb when I drink. He needs to salvage what little good karma he has so that he doesn't lose them all and some nitwit handling him is telling him "two words tiger: sex rehab. America wants you to get help."

What a dumb ass. America wants him to play golf... as soon as he starts winning tournaments again America will forget ol' what's her name and start loving this guy again.

Want proof, these clinics don't tell anyone who is visiting them or using their services for fear of being sued off their asses. I recently did some construction work for a battered women's shelter and before they would even tell me where the f***ing building was located I had to sign confidentiality papers. The only way someone found Tiger in Arkansas (by the way, they specialize in brother/sister sex rehab) is because Tiger's people leaked it, so that America can start forgiving him. If I am wrong when Tiger gets out he'll sue the clinic, if I am right he won't.
2. To Save His Marriage: And, this is a distant second. As I've stated before Tiger's problem wasn't having sex with a bunch of different women... Tiger's problem was getting married. Look at Derek Jeter, he gets laid more in a day than a plane full of people visiting Hawaii. Does he have any PR problems, addictions, or any less sponsors because of this behavior, er, I mean addiction. Nope, because he's not married.

As for Elin, hopefully she has the self respect to say, "I don't f***ing need this sh!t, give me my money and get the f*** out of my life golf boy."

That's news of the moment... enjoy your day!

GET U SUM

A 75 year old man was driving this caddie (5 miles under the speed limit no less). When we pulled up to the stop sign I snapped this photo of his liscense plate. I was busting up.

GET U SUM! We'll do!

A-Team ROCKS

Watching this trailer made my wiener move.

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1808402981/video/17565315

If I had to pick a TV show that defined my youth it would have to be the A-Team. It's the first show I can remember "having to watch" every week it came on. For some in my generation it was The Incredible Hulk, others The Dukes of Hazzard, , some even went for The Fall Guy (Heather Thomas... grrrr), but for me... I loved it when a plan came together.


I haven't been this excited for the release of a move since about this same time 3 years ago for the movie Transformers. I was just in awe that someone was taking one of my favorite toys as a child (from 20 some odd years ago) and turning it into a major motion picture... and they didn't disappoint. Well, with the A-Team it's happening again and hopefully the results will be the same.

With that said, I'd have to say the A-Team is the #1 movie I am looking forward to this year. What are the remaining 4 of my Top 5 you ask... well...


5. The Green Hornet - Love the Green Hornet... however, very interested to see Seth Rogan as the Green Hornet. Yes, that Seth Rogan, of Knocked Up and Superbad fame. Supposedly he has trimmed himself down for the role of Britt Ried, aka The Green Hornet. Let's hope so. Hope Jay Chou can pull off Kato too. Whose Jay Chou you ask... beats me, but he'd better be Bruce Motherf***ing Lee bad. There are a lot of uncertainties around this film, but hopefully they can pull it off. I'm a big action movie kinda guy and this should be right up my alley. (December 22)


4. The Pacific - From HBO and the producers of Band of Brothers comes The Pacific; the story of the Pacific theater of war during World War II. OK, so it's not an actual movie theater movie, it's on HBO, but I guarantee it will be the best drama you will get this year from screen or TV. And, after the awesomeness of Band of Brothers I am sure it will kick some ass. Can't frickin wait. (March 2010)


3. TRON: Legacy - When I heard they were coming out with a continuation of the original TRON movie I dusted off my old TRON VCR tape and made my kids watch it, they thought it looked archaic, but liked it... a lot. I ran out and bought the DVD and have been counting the days since.

I'll admit the dated computer system, dubbed Master Control, is weak, hell, my phone is more powerful than that now, but the special effects used in the movie are still awesome. I loved the premise in 1982 of a guy getting sucked into a video game and having to fight his way out and I love the idea even more in 2010 with all the advancements in technology this movie should be visually stunning and stone cold shit awesome.

Think of it this way back in '82 you would have been sucked into Pacman or Asteroids with their sorry ass graphics, now your getting sucked into HALO or Call of Duty... it's gonna be huge. So far the leaked photos and teaser trailer look amazing, so it should be awesome. And, you know Microsoft and Sony are chomping at the bit to get the video games out. (December 17)


2. Iron Man II - In 2007 my son turned 7 and he and I went and saw Transformers. He didn't know anything about Transformers and didn't know what to expect. He was bitch smacked by that movie. Since that day we sit down in the late winter and start picking out the action movies we want to go see; Spider Man 3, The Incredible Hulk, Star Wars, Transformers II and on and on. He's my action movie going buddy. This year Iron Man II is at the top of his list (only because he doesn't know anything about the A-Team). The trailers look wicked. Let's hope they don't go "Batman Crazy" on us and start putting in more role players and stories than one would care to follow with stupid plots and cheesy ass outfits (aka Arnie's Mr Freeze or Tommy Lee Jones' Two Face). Just keep it ball kickin cool.

1. A-Team - Hannible, Face, B.A., and Murdock team up in what is sure to be an action packed, gut wrenching, good time. Complete with revamped background stories and actors, but with the same ol' things we loved about the A-Team; A bad ass van, guns, explosions, smooth talkin Face, crazy ass Murdock, plane-hatin B.A., and the man that loves it when a plan comes together. Oh, and throw in one Jessica Biel as female lead and whatcha got... bonafide blockbuster. Or, at the very least a ball busting thrill ride that I am more excited to see than the lord at the pearly gates.

Honorable Mentions: Shrek Forever After, Toy Story III, Red Dawn (remade, please don't screw that up) and The Sorcerers Apprentice.

That's my list. 2011 is gonna have the Green Lantern, Stretch Armstrong (yep that Stretch Armstrong), Transformers III, Captain America, Thor, Cars II... and of course I can't wait for those either.

p.s. Why is Powder Blue not on this list, especially since I said it was one of the most noteworthy news items of 2009. Because, I think I've seen all the good parts, if you know what I mean. Seriously, is that movie really getting any better than Jessica Biel splashing hot wax on her naked body.

I don't think so.


So, that's it. Let me know what your looking forward too in the comments section.