In Local News: The Great Escape II, Legend of Buddy Tough

This story has everything: jail breaks, police chases, standoffs, death sentences, KFC celebrities... everything!

http://www.newsok.com/article/3509123?searched=fry%20poodle&custom

In the once peaceful town of Hydro, OK a drama played out over the last couple weeks reminiscent of a Hollywood movie. So, Slaphand has made it into a movie.

Overview: Hydro resident, Edwin Fry, liberated his incarcerated poodle, Buddy Tough, from the Hydro city pound. Buddy was arrested for running wild through town and possibly killing a 700 lb cow, ok, probably not, but maybe. The chief of police, Mike "Colonel" Sanders was tired of being made a fool of by these pesky pet perpetrators and decided to set a new standard... "we ain't gonna take no free pets... NOT IN MY TOWN" attitude. Fry, came up with a desperate plan to bust Buddy Tough from his cell and make off into the daylight. Using a set of bolt cutters he daringly cut the lock of Buddy's pen and used his Yard-Man riding lawnmower to escape. The police gave chase all through town at a blistering 5 mph. This lead to a gun drawn standoff that ended with Fry and Buddy Tough given up and being taken back into custody. A few days later, Buddy Tough was executed for the crime of being a poodle on the lam with no one to pay his bail... now the town is outraged at the treatment of Fry and Buddy Tough and have demanded retribution. This is the heroic story of the outlaw Buddy Tough and how he brought the institution down and united a community... dun dun DUNNNNNNN.

(Staring)

Robert Duvall as Edwin Fry
Colonel Bob Thompson as Police Chief Mike "Colonel" Sanders (http://site.colonel-bob.com/)
James Best (from 30 years ago) as Officer Chris Chancellor (http://jamesbest.com/)
Morgan Freeman as Mayor Bill Glasscock
Carmen Electra as Hydro resident Mona Woods
Kim Kardashian as Hydro resident Linda Issac
and introducing
Rhapsody in White "Butch" as Buddy Tough
with special appearance by
Buddy Tough as Dead Buddy Tough

Here are a few selected scenes from the screenplay.

Chapter 1, Scene 3 - The Escape

(Edwin Fry pulls up in his Yard-Man mower in front of a kennel behind the Hydro police station where Buddy Tough is being held. It backfires when he kills the engine which causes Fry to look around nervously. He approaches the kennel and talks to Buddy)

Fry: Buddy?

Buddy: ruff, ruff

Fry: shhhh

(cuts padlock from gate with bolt cutters)

Buddy: 'whine'

Fry: Hey Buddy... you smell that?

Buddy: 'whine'

Fry: smells like freedom... I love the smell of freedom in the morning, smells like victo... no wait that's not freedom... that's dog crap, ah gross... come on Buddy let's go!

- scene -

Chapter 1, Scene 4 - The Chase

(Fry and Buddy Tough are on his Yard-Man mower speeding through town with the Chief of Police Mike "Colonel" Sanders and Officer Chris Chancellor in pursuit in two different police cars. Several other police cars are also in on the chase.)

(Mower drives by to open the scene, Fry is driving and Buddy Tough is on his lap with paws on the wheel too... drive by takes 5 seconds)

Fry: Buddy they ain't gonna catch us I put on a special set of matched tires on the ol Yard-Man, just like I did to Cole Trickle's car in Days of Thunder... they can't catch us!

(scene change to inside of the Chiefs car)

Sanders: (over radio) - Officer Chancellor, you need to somehow get in front of him... call in some help.

Chancellor: (over radio) This is car 2, I need cars at 5th and 6th street we can't let this sombitch get out of town. gkhuh! gkhuh!

Sanders: (over radio) Buddy Tough is a wanted fugitive for the murder of several 700lbs cows in the county... we can't let them escape... I'm giving you officers a direct KFC order... fry them chickens!

(back on the mower, Fry and Buddy approach the roadblock)

Fry: Buddy, this could be it... there doesn't look like anyway around... (at this point Fry does the classic Robert Duvall stretching of the neck with hands held out, just like in every movie he's ever done) I tried Buddy, I tried.
Buddy: ruff ruff

Fry: What, that's crazy, that might just be crazy enough to work... ok... here goes!

(at the road block with Sanders, Chancellor, and several other cop cars and cops... guns drawn)

Chancellor: Oh MY! NOOOO

Sanders: What the hell is that nut and his mutt doin?

Chancellor: They're lowering the mower... oh god NOOOO, they engaged the mower

Extra Cop 1: They are mowing right through that yard sir

Chancellor: oh, the humanity... I... I didn't see that coming... that put a quiver in my liver, gkhuh, gkhuh, gkhuh.

Sanders: Who's responsible for this road block

Extra Cop 2: I was sir.

Sanders: You're fryered.

Extra Cop 2: Don't you mean fired.

Sanders: fired... you want flame grilled you go to Burger King boy... they cook it you're way, round here we fryer EVERYTHING... we even use chicken breast for bread... NOW GET OUTTA MY FACE!... CHANCELLOR!

Chancellor: Yes sir

Sanders: Chancellor, get over to Fry's place... I want that menace caught by sundown.

(Chancellor peels out and speeds off to Fry's house... 20 minutes later Fry shows up on his mower)

-scene-

Chapter 1, Scene 7 - The Standoff

(Buddy Tough and Fry pull into his house on the Yard-Man to find several cops waiting on them... they hop off the mower and run into the house which leads to the following exchange)

Extra Cop 1: FRY! BUDDY TOUGH! Come out of the house with your hands and paws up!

Fry: I aim to kill the Colonel and those that done this, and if Officer Chancellor gets in the way, I'm gonna kill him too. So you best get your mind right about what's got to be done

Chancellor: Fry! It's Chancellor... you and Tough need to just come on out, we gotcha surrounded. You'll broke the law... you and Tough... now we gotta system and you just can't break Tough outta jail like that.
Buddy: ruff ruff, ruff
Fry: He says, "Man's got a right to protect his property and his life, and we ain't lettin' no chicken fryer or his lawman take either." Hey, wait... that's my line from Open Range... Buddy you just can't be sayin my lines

Buddy: ruff ruff

Fry: We'll f*** you too!

Buddy: ruff ruff -whine-

Fry: You're right all we gots is each other... CHANCELLOR! Come and get us if you dare!

-scene-

Chapter 3, Scene 2 - Back in Jail: The Conjugal Visit

(The town of Hydro is reeling from the days events, but not everyone is sold on what the Chief of Police, "Colonel" Sanders told them, especially Mona Woods and Linda Issac. They decide to pay Buddy Tough a visit in the kennel after spending a day at the lake in their extremely small bikinis.)

Woods: Ahhh, Buddy... are you alright?

Issac: We've been worrying about you... we made you some home made dog treats, just like on Martha Stewart.

Buddy: ruff -whine-

Issac: oh buddy... tell us what to do... what can we do to help?

Buddy: -whine- ruff, ruff, ruff

Woods: seriously... you want us to.. kiss?

Buddy: RUFF!

Woods: ok

(Woods and Issac begin kissing, slowly at first, then they break out the tongues. Woods hands fall softly onto Issac's breast)

Buddy: -pant, pant, pant-

(they continue to kiss and caress each other for several minutes while Buddy stares and pants uncontrollably with his tongue hanging out of his mouth)

Buddy: -pant, pant, pant-

Issac: Buddy, don't you want to tell us how to get you outta jail... don't you want to tell us your side of the story so we can tell the whole town and they can come rescue you?

Buddy: GRRRRRR!

Issac: OK, OK we'll keep kissing, jeez.

Woods: oh Buddy... quit licking there!

-scene-

Chapter 4, scene 4 - The Death Sentence

(Chancellor backs the car up to the kennel, gets out, and connects a garden hose to his exhaust pipe)

Sanders: HAHA, Buddy, you thought you was tough... but you ain't... seems no one round here wants to see you go free, ain't no one stepped forward to pay your $100 bond. Now my plan is complete... I got the whole town thinking you're a cow killing little b!tch... now people are feeling sorry for the cows and have switched over to eating chicken... my chicken! HHAAAHAHA... and no one even knows about it.

Chancellor: 'specially since that old cooter, Fry, is in jail, gkhuh, gkhuh

(Chancellor opens the kennel, picks up Buddy Tough by the ears, like the late Gerald Ford, and puts him under a cardboard box... he shoves the other end of the garden hose into the box through a hole in the top, gets in the car and guns the gas)

Sanders and Chancellor: - HAHAHAHAHA

Buddy: -whine- RUFF, RUFF, hack, RUFHack, huyhck, ruf, -whine-

Chancellor: I love it, I love it, gkhuh, gkhuh, gkhuh.

(off in the jail cell Fry is sitting on a cot, he hears the engine of the car rev up and a muffled bark)

Fry: NOOOOOOOO!

(back at the scene of the execution Chancellor removes the box, as a big puff of smoke clears Buddy Tough's lifeless body is seen lying on the ground -played by the real Buddy Tough in a special appearance - off in the distance a single violin can be heard playing a somber tune)

-scene-

Chapter 5, scene 2 - The Press Conference

(several dozen people are gathered in the Hydro town hall to hear a press conference by Mayor Bill Glasscock)

Reporter 1: Sir, Sir, can you tell us the condition of Buddy Tough?
Glasscock: I wish I could tell you that Buddy fought the good fight, and the Colonel let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but prison is no fairy-tale world. He never said who killed the cow, but we all knew. Things went on like that for two more days - prison life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, Buddy would show up with fresh bruises. The Colonel kept at him - sometimes he was able to fight 'em off, sometimes not. And that's how it went for Buddy - that was his routine. I do believe those first two days were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, this place would have got the best of him... but no one paid his bail and he was put down.

Reporter 2: Is it true that Buddy was visited in the kennel?

Glasscock: I have no idea to this day what those two Hydro residents were "singing" about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were "singing" about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words (and they had to take their clothes off), and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last dog in Shawshank, er, I mean, the Hydro kennel felt free.

(several flashbulbs go off as pictures are taken of Mona Woods and Linda Issac who are sitting in the front row wearing slutty catholic school girl uniforms)

Town Resident 1: Sir, what do you suggest we do... as a town.

Glasscock: Get busy living or get busy dying... NO MORE QUESTIONS!

-scene-

That's all we can share with you, for now, writers are awaiting the outcome of the trial of Edwin Fry before finishing the script. One thing can be assured... there will be another make out scene between Mona Woods, Linda Issac, and Buddy Tough's angel. Stay tuned. And, don't forget to go see The Great Escape II, Legend of Buddy Tough in Theaters, Summer 2011