Things I Am Thankful For (This Week): A Thanksgiving Special

That I don’t have a set of testicles hanging from the tailgate of my truck. Seriously could anything say “I’m a tackless s#ithead” more. Who the f*** comes up with this crap. Are his parents proud of him when he pulls into their driveway with a big set of black truck marbles hanging from the trailer hitch? And, any woman who elects to date a man with at set of balls hanging from his tailgate is; a whore, a tramp, a woman who loves to suck balls, easy or some combination of all four, and may as well wear a sign around her neck stating so.

That the OKC Thunder (than the Sonics) got the second pick in the 2007 Draft and not the #1… cause they would have picked Greg “glass legs” Oden had they had the #1 pick. And, you’d have too… you can’t pass up on a big with his size and athleticism… you just can’t, despite the fact that he looked 38 years old. Since being drafted he has only played in 82 games in 4 seasons. He’s right up there with Ryan Leaf and Darko Milicic as biggest bust in pro sports.

That Heidi Montag is broke. We are a short negotiation with Playboy away from seeing her DDD’s, especially now that she is back with Spencer; you know that ass-clown is encouraging that crap. God bless him.

That I didn’t attend the Water Festival in Phnom Penh, Cambodia this past weekend. I love a good Water Festival, but glad I had a conflict on my calender this time… google it.

That I am not flying anywhere this week. Although it has been awhile since my last hernia check and prostrate exam. Perhaps if I were traveling I could get TSA to check that out for me. Is it out of line to ask for a female agent with soft warm hands?

That the fine mayor of Oklahoma City has put the skids to the proposed expansion of the LFL to OKC. That’s Lingerie Football League to you dolts. I for one applaud the mayor for standing up to scantily clad footballers and this abomination of a sport. It is disgraceful and undignified. We should love our women and not turn them into sex objects that are only here for our pleasure. We should covet them and not make them run around a football field in lingerie while other women pull and grab at them and try to wrestle them to the ground. We should protect them from becoming the perpetrators of our sexual schemes. Ok, who am I kidding… let’s lynch the f***er.

That there are still men like Army Staff Sgt. Salvatore Giunta out there in the world; putting life and limb on the line on a daily basis so I can enjoy the freedoms of being an American and hang a set of rubber enshrined steel testicles from the bumper of my Ford. Thanks Sgt. Giunta.

Happy Turkey Day Everyone.