To Whom It May Concern:
I hope this rant finds you well.
First or all, it should be noted that I am in a particularly pissed off mood. I do not know why but warning has been served. Perhaps it's due to the fact that my favorite basketball team, the Denver Nuggets, is in disarray and are about to be imploded (f***ing trade Melo already, you’re team chemistry is for sh!t... I don't care if only get a used lawnmower back, just dump him). Or, perhaps it’s just that I have been witness to several different acts of ignorance over the past few days and I guess I have just been letting them get to me. For Example.
While at my kids indoor soccer games last night some douche bag sitting in front of me was in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops like it was the middle of July. For those of you who do not know, I live in Oklahoma, and the outside temperature last night was a balmy 22 degrees at game time. This prick was proudly raving that "it's not cold out. I'm from North Dakota and this is like a summer day up there."
I don't care who you are, if you live in North Dakota, South Dakota, Antarctica, if you're a f***ing Eskimo. 22 degrees is cold. Fine, I get it, the cold doesn't bother you. But, you look like a f***ing idiot in your shorts and flip flops when there's snow flurries on the ground. I wanna punch you in your damn cold face.
I would like to also point out that his kid was dressed for winter; jeans, sweatshirt, heavy coat. if it ain't cold why don't you put that som-b!tch in some flippy-floppys. Didn't think so dumbass.
And, just because it's cold doesn't mean the roads are slick, so to the old man I was driving behind this morning. SPEED THE F*** UP! Going 25 in a 45 should be a crime punishable by a swift ass kickin.
And, on a completely different subject; if you are on Facebook and you are using a picture of your dog as your profile picture. Change it motherf***er. I had some chick I went to school with friend request me whom I vaguely remember. Her Facebook profile picture didn’t help be out because it was of a fluffy white dog. I replied back to her and said I always thought she was a bitch and now her picture proves it.
Ok, that didn't happen, but let me tell you what did… DENIED! No friend for you.
Also, and this is a personal problem, but I have 208 friends on Facebook. Why? I couldn't pick but about 2/3rds of them out of a crowd and I'd need help with most of the other names. I guess one feels obligated to accept anyone they have a past history with, but more and more I am feeling that that is completely stupid. I feel a purge coming on. If you’re reading this you’re probably safe… probably.
I hate people who wear those stupid ass overly pointy shoes (see pic), that make their feet look 4 sizes larger than they actually are. You know the ones. They are super trendy, italian, and usually in lime green or purple.
I got a real issue with men, especially, wearing pointy shoes. You should know you look like a f***ing court jester in those clown shoes. Dance for me jester… dance boy!
In local news, a man in Bethany, OK, Reginald Scott Bartlett, recently stabbed his wife to death after she caught him viewing porn on the computer (we know what that means… yep, he was milking his pig). After arguing with him the man “snapped” grabbed a knife and stabbed her several times. He then went shopping for golf clubs. After a bit he went back home and called the cops.
Look ladies. All men look at porn. Accept than now before it destroys you… literally. See, we’re pigs. We can’t help it. That’s just the way it is; call it DNA, or wiring… we’re all just a little bit freaky and we love naked ladies. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT b!tch at us for it. If you’re curious, ask us about it, and use it. Seriously, we are more than likely willing to have sex with you, if you ask, while we are looking at porn... if you do not want to have sex with us, that is why we are looking at porn. That’s just a free bit of advice from the Slaphand.
Don’t misunderstand; I don’t condone Reginald’s actions. But, it’s sorta like the late, great Sam Kinison always said, “I don’t condone domestic violence… but I understand it.” I’m just saying there is a less abrasive way to address the subject than to just throw a fit. Might I suggest lending a hand? HA
Now if Reggie was running up thousands of dollars in charges looking at porn, b!tch shoulda grabbed the knife first. Just sayin.
http://www.newsok.com/article/3531188
Another interesting news story… By now I’m sure you have all heard the story of Ted Williams. If not, Ted was a homeless man, living on the streets of Columbus, OH when a local news reporter questioned Williams panhandling sign that stated he was down and out, but “had the gift of voice.” Williams gave him a few lines that sounded like they came from God’s emcee… it was this deep, honeyed, professional voice. The video went viral on the internet and now Williams has been offered several jobs, a house from the Cleveland Cavilers, and countless interviews from all types of media outlets including Dr. Phil and Entertainment Weekly.
While in L.A. to film the Dr. Phil spot Williams got into a spat at a hotel with his daughter, that had traveled with him, and the cops were called in by other guest. Williams and his daughter were questioned and released. I guess you can take a man off the streets but sometimes you can’t get the street off the man.
Anyway, one hotel guest said he didn’t know what they were arguing about but it was loud and sounded like Kasey Kasam if he were in a really bad mood. He said he could listen to Williams argue in that sultry voice all night long… he didn’t know if Williams “wanted to kill the girl he was arguing with or give her ‘A BRAND NEW CAR!’ His voice was like butter. It was like being chewed out by angels.”
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110112/ap_en_tv/us_homeless_radio_voice
p.s. I hate it when men wear flip flops... unless you are on a beach or in a men's locker room shower. I want to take them off the persons feet and slap them right across their damn face with the flip flop when I see them on people.
I hope this rant finds you well.
First or all, it should be noted that I am in a particularly pissed off mood. I do not know why but warning has been served. Perhaps it's due to the fact that my favorite basketball team, the Denver Nuggets, is in disarray and are about to be imploded (f***ing trade Melo already, you’re team chemistry is for sh!t... I don't care if only get a used lawnmower back, just dump him). Or, perhaps it’s just that I have been witness to several different acts of ignorance over the past few days and I guess I have just been letting them get to me. For Example.
While at my kids indoor soccer games last night some douche bag sitting in front of me was in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops like it was the middle of July. For those of you who do not know, I live in Oklahoma, and the outside temperature last night was a balmy 22 degrees at game time. This prick was proudly raving that "it's not cold out. I'm from North Dakota and this is like a summer day up there."
I don't care who you are, if you live in North Dakota, South Dakota, Antarctica, if you're a f***ing Eskimo. 22 degrees is cold. Fine, I get it, the cold doesn't bother you. But, you look like a f***ing idiot in your shorts and flip flops when there's snow flurries on the ground. I wanna punch you in your damn cold face.
I would like to also point out that his kid was dressed for winter; jeans, sweatshirt, heavy coat. if it ain't cold why don't you put that som-b!tch in some flippy-floppys. Didn't think so dumbass.
And, just because it's cold doesn't mean the roads are slick, so to the old man I was driving behind this morning. SPEED THE F*** UP! Going 25 in a 45 should be a crime punishable by a swift ass kickin.
And, on a completely different subject; if you are on Facebook and you are using a picture of your dog as your profile picture. Change it motherf***er. I had some chick I went to school with friend request me whom I vaguely remember. Her Facebook profile picture didn’t help be out because it was of a fluffy white dog. I replied back to her and said I always thought she was a bitch and now her picture proves it.
Ok, that didn't happen, but let me tell you what did… DENIED! No friend for you.
Also, and this is a personal problem, but I have 208 friends on Facebook. Why? I couldn't pick but about 2/3rds of them out of a crowd and I'd need help with most of the other names. I guess one feels obligated to accept anyone they have a past history with, but more and more I am feeling that that is completely stupid. I feel a purge coming on. If you’re reading this you’re probably safe… probably.
I hate people who wear those stupid ass overly pointy shoes (see pic), that make their feet look 4 sizes larger than they actually are. You know the ones. They are super trendy, italian, and usually in lime green or purple.
I got a real issue with men, especially, wearing pointy shoes. You should know you look like a f***ing court jester in those clown shoes. Dance for me jester… dance boy!
In local news, a man in Bethany, OK, Reginald Scott Bartlett, recently stabbed his wife to death after she caught him viewing porn on the computer (we know what that means… yep, he was milking his pig). After arguing with him the man “snapped” grabbed a knife and stabbed her several times. He then went shopping for golf clubs. After a bit he went back home and called the cops.
Look ladies. All men look at porn. Accept than now before it destroys you… literally. See, we’re pigs. We can’t help it. That’s just the way it is; call it DNA, or wiring… we’re all just a little bit freaky and we love naked ladies. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT b!tch at us for it. If you’re curious, ask us about it, and use it. Seriously, we are more than likely willing to have sex with you, if you ask, while we are looking at porn... if you do not want to have sex with us, that is why we are looking at porn. That’s just a free bit of advice from the Slaphand.
Don’t misunderstand; I don’t condone Reginald’s actions. But, it’s sorta like the late, great Sam Kinison always said, “I don’t condone domestic violence… but I understand it.” I’m just saying there is a less abrasive way to address the subject than to just throw a fit. Might I suggest lending a hand? HA
Now if Reggie was running up thousands of dollars in charges looking at porn, b!tch shoulda grabbed the knife first. Just sayin.
http://www.newsok.com/article/3531188
Another interesting news story… By now I’m sure you have all heard the story of Ted Williams. If not, Ted was a homeless man, living on the streets of Columbus, OH when a local news reporter questioned Williams panhandling sign that stated he was down and out, but “had the gift of voice.” Williams gave him a few lines that sounded like they came from God’s emcee… it was this deep, honeyed, professional voice. The video went viral on the internet and now Williams has been offered several jobs, a house from the Cleveland Cavilers, and countless interviews from all types of media outlets including Dr. Phil and Entertainment Weekly.
While in L.A. to film the Dr. Phil spot Williams got into a spat at a hotel with his daughter, that had traveled with him, and the cops were called in by other guest. Williams and his daughter were questioned and released. I guess you can take a man off the streets but sometimes you can’t get the street off the man.
Anyway, one hotel guest said he didn’t know what they were arguing about but it was loud and sounded like Kasey Kasam if he were in a really bad mood. He said he could listen to Williams argue in that sultry voice all night long… he didn’t know if Williams “wanted to kill the girl he was arguing with or give her ‘A BRAND NEW CAR!’ His voice was like butter. It was like being chewed out by angels.”
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110112/ap_en_tv/us_homeless_radio_voice
p.s. I hate it when men wear flip flops... unless you are on a beach or in a men's locker room shower. I want to take them off the persons feet and slap them right across their damn face with the flip flop when I see them on people.
No comments:
Post a Comment