File this under "Awesome things seen inside the bathroom of a roadside truck stop."
Genuine Horny Goat Weed - Increases Sexual Energy, Enhances Desire & Performance
We'll see...
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Genuine Horny Goat Weed... Hells Yeah!
File this under "Awesome things seen inside the bathroom of a roadside truck stop."
Genuine Horny Goat Weed - Increases Sexual Energy, Enhances Desire & Performance
We'll see...
Top 5 Stories of 2009... Slaphanded
The end of the year is always filled with list and we all know I love list, especially top 5 list. So here we go with the Top 5 News Stories of 2009 according to Slap Hand.
5. Jessica Biel exposes herself - What, you say? This beats out swine fever, Iranian elections, and China's expansion; YES! Way back when at the ripe 'ol age of 17 Jessica Biel flashed us some skin in Gear magazine. Ever since that time I have been patiently waiting for something else from her. I was hoping for some paparazzi photos of her on some nude beach from about 6 miles away, or better yet, a "tasteful" spread in Playboy, or the creme de la creme... a sex tape preferably with another woman and not Justin Timberlake, but would have taken either. In 2009 my hopes were answered with a nude scene in a movie. I guess splashing herself with hot wax will have to do for now. Damn she's hot!
http://cyanatrendland.com/2009/05/11/jessica-biel-sexy-strip-dance/
4. Balloon Boy Hoax - See my previous post on this. Latest developments have Balloon Boys Dad and Mom doing some time in lockup, paying some bills and then some serious probation and worst of all - they are not allowed to profit from the incident per court order. It's better than my suggested alternative... take them all out back and kick the shit out of them for being stupid.
http://slaphand.blogspot.com/2009/10/balloon-boy-bolonga.html
3. Politics as Unusual - From our health care fiasco to Afghanistan and Iraq to our struggling economy, politicos from both parties have been dealing with some unusual and difficult topics this year. Slaphand lays claim to no party affiliations unless that party has strippers, snacks, and alcohol. However, I am glad I am not President... that man has taken some heat. The poor guy can't even go on TV to tell our kids to stay in school without causing mass hysteria. I firmly believe the separation between parties will one day put this nation in dire straights... only during the time of national disaster (think 9/11) can we come together as unified nation. I am embarrassed for us at times. I hope it will get better, I hope the issues at hand will be jointly resolved and I hope it happens sooner than later.
p.s. On Afghanistan - put enough troops on the ground to get the fricken job done, get in and get out... don't mickey mouse this shit and don't put a time table on it. Just sayin.
2. Tiger Woods Has Been F***ing Everything - This guy has got more ass this year than a proctologist. Who knew? I now know why he married a white woman... if he pulled this shit on a black woman she'd of beat his ass.
Whereas most Americans believe Tiger made a mistake by cheating on his wife Slaphand thinks he made a mistake getting married. If you were gonna screw everything in sight, don't take the vows. Americans would not have thought the less of you for getting your swerve on then.
p.s. love the tiger jokes, keep em coming... just like tiger (rum pum pum)
1. A Pedophile Dies - This story garnered HUGE amounts of attention. For example, I read somewhere that Michael Jackson had about a million fans signed up on his website prior to his death and after his death it jumped up to over 7 million, something like 30 people a second were becoming fans of his after he died. His music didn't change after he died, it was always kick ass... yeah, I said it... kick ass. I'd be lying if I said the boy didn't make some sic tunes. So where were those fans prior to his death.
The same place I was and still am. Appalled that this freak of nature was free to walk among us.
Prior to his death he wasn't news. He hadn't come out with a good song for as long as I can remember. And, if people did talk about him it was because of all the freaky ass shit he was into.
And don't pretend that you didn't think the guy was a FREAK. Although he was never found guilty in a court of law for f***ing little boys I think we all know what he was doing .
And, what the f*** was up with all his cosmetic surgery. His skin was tighter than a nuns vagina. Ask yourself this, "would I want to hang out with Michael Jackson... would I want my kid to?" I think we know the answer to those questions. Yet after the guy died everyone was a fan.
Appreciate the music... but Michael, himself, said it best... "I'm bad."
5. Jessica Biel exposes herself - What, you say? This beats out swine fever, Iranian elections, and China's expansion; YES! Way back when at the ripe 'ol age of 17 Jessica Biel flashed us some skin in Gear magazine. Ever since that time I have been patiently waiting for something else from her. I was hoping for some paparazzi photos of her on some nude beach from about 6 miles away, or better yet, a "tasteful" spread in Playboy, or the creme de la creme... a sex tape preferably with another woman and not Justin Timberlake, but would have taken either. In 2009 my hopes were answered with a nude scene in a movie. I guess splashing herself with hot wax will have to do for now. Damn she's hot!
http://cyanatrendland.com/2009/05/11/jessica-biel-sexy-strip-dance/
4. Balloon Boy Hoax - See my previous post on this. Latest developments have Balloon Boys Dad and Mom doing some time in lockup, paying some bills and then some serious probation and worst of all - they are not allowed to profit from the incident per court order. It's better than my suggested alternative... take them all out back and kick the shit out of them for being stupid.
http://slaphand.blogspot.com/2009/10/balloon-boy-bolonga.html
3. Politics as Unusual - From our health care fiasco to Afghanistan and Iraq to our struggling economy, politicos from both parties have been dealing with some unusual and difficult topics this year. Slaphand lays claim to no party affiliations unless that party has strippers, snacks, and alcohol. However, I am glad I am not President... that man has taken some heat. The poor guy can't even go on TV to tell our kids to stay in school without causing mass hysteria. I firmly believe the separation between parties will one day put this nation in dire straights... only during the time of national disaster (think 9/11) can we come together as unified nation. I am embarrassed for us at times. I hope it will get better, I hope the issues at hand will be jointly resolved and I hope it happens sooner than later.
p.s. On Afghanistan - put enough troops on the ground to get the fricken job done, get in and get out... don't mickey mouse this shit and don't put a time table on it. Just sayin.
2. Tiger Woods Has Been F***ing Everything - This guy has got more ass this year than a proctologist. Who knew? I now know why he married a white woman... if he pulled this shit on a black woman she'd of beat his ass.
Whereas most Americans believe Tiger made a mistake by cheating on his wife Slaphand thinks he made a mistake getting married. If you were gonna screw everything in sight, don't take the vows. Americans would not have thought the less of you for getting your swerve on then.
p.s. love the tiger jokes, keep em coming... just like tiger (rum pum pum)
1. A Pedophile Dies - This story garnered HUGE amounts of attention. For example, I read somewhere that Michael Jackson had about a million fans signed up on his website prior to his death and after his death it jumped up to over 7 million, something like 30 people a second were becoming fans of his after he died. His music didn't change after he died, it was always kick ass... yeah, I said it... kick ass. I'd be lying if I said the boy didn't make some sic tunes. So where were those fans prior to his death.
The same place I was and still am. Appalled that this freak of nature was free to walk among us.
Prior to his death he wasn't news. He hadn't come out with a good song for as long as I can remember. And, if people did talk about him it was because of all the freaky ass shit he was into.
And don't pretend that you didn't think the guy was a FREAK. Although he was never found guilty in a court of law for f***ing little boys I think we all know what he was doing .
And, what the f*** was up with all his cosmetic surgery. His skin was tighter than a nuns vagina. Ask yourself this, "would I want to hang out with Michael Jackson... would I want my kid to?" I think we know the answer to those questions. Yet after the guy died everyone was a fan.
Appreciate the music... but Michael, himself, said it best... "I'm bad."
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Serenity Now!
Mark DeMoss, A self described "conservative evangelical Southern Baptist who tried to elect Mitt Romney, a Mormon, as president" has started a project to bring civility back into our sorry lives.
http://www.civilityproject.org/
Mark, along with a Jewish guy, and a couple of people that have worked for the current and past presidents and who are all fed up with lack of civilness in which we treat each other are asking us, as a society, to be civil in our public discourse and behavior, be respectful of others whether or not we agree with them, and to stand against incivility when we see it.
While I admire the nobility of such a project, (because, god knows, most people are dickheads) I think it could use a little Slap Hand to push it over the top. Therefore I am launching my own project:
THE INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE PROJECT
First of all... a little background on this subject. This past weekend on my way back to OKC I stopped at one of those "center of the turnpike" restaurant/gas station combos where I found cars lined up 3 and 4 deep to get gas. After several minutes of waiting my turn I arrived at the pump.
Let me paint this scene for you... the gas station had two pumps in a row. I pulled up to the second pump, so there was a guy in front of me that I would not be able to pass unless he moved. I had allowed the car at the pump prior to my pulling in to back out because the person in front of them was not in their car. In other words he was using the pump space as a parking space while he was inside getting snacks, pissin, or doing something inside the station.
Anywho... I pulled up and when I got done filling my car up with gas the guy in front of me came walking out of the gas station with what looked like a 78 oz. cup of pop, and a bag of snacks and crap... I thought, "good, he'll pull out and I will follow." Evidently so did the guy behind me and consequently he pulled up right behind me, the guy behind him did the same, and so, on and so on. There were now 4 cars right on my ass waiting on me to move.
Low and behold the dumb ass who had spent, at least, the time it takes to fill up two cars in the store, starts pumping his gas. WTF! Why wasn't he pumping gas when he was in the store (and don't give me that prepay crap, because I watched him slide his card into the pump)? There was a car at the pump next to him so it did not look like I could squeeze through in order to clear my space for the car behind me. And, since the 4 cars behind me had pulled right up on my ass I couldn't back out. I was stuck.
So, I waited while this guy sat in his truck and pumped gas.
Finally his pump shut off, he was full. Now we could get moving. But wait... now what's this sonofabitch doing... he's cleaning his windshield. Why the f*** couldn't he have done that while his truck was filling up. WTFnF!
My temper now boiling, I ordered my wife to fold in the mirror. I was going through. And, that's just what I did, with about 3 inches to spare on each side, of the car. Now while I was carefully sliding between this dumb f***s car and the one next to him I looked over at him and he gave me a look like I was some inconsiderate asshole. To which I told him...
nothing.
Absolutely nothing. In fact I turned away when he glared at me, acting as if I didn't see him.
And that is where Mark DeMoss and his friends have inspired me. Just like their project to demand civility out of society, I will demand consideration from society in an uncivil way. In other words, I am not going to let that shit slide anymore. Because I am a devout believer in the Inconsiderate Asshole Project.
I will no longer sit passively while I watch motherf***ers like gas pump guy be the inconsiderate assholes that they are.
Nope, from now on they are gonna hear from me. I'm sick as shit of their inconsiderate ways, their lack of common sense, and their inability to just be decent. So, watch the f*** out.
Next time at the gas pump this is how it's gonna play out - Gas pump guy gets out to clean his windshield after holding everyone up for about 10 minutes so he can do his own thing. Fed up I decide to drive between him and the car next to him. He shoots me a dirty look. I roll down my window and say, "you wanna know why the f*** I'm doing this sh!thead. Look behind me... we've all been waiting on your dumb ass to move so we get our gas and get the f*** outta here. Instead of taking your sweet time to piss and get your snacks, gas, and clean your window, why don't you do this... pull up to the pump, start pumping gas, clean your windshield while the pump is doing it's thing, and then pull into a parking space and to piss and get your f***ing snacks. Doesn't that make more sense you INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE!
America be warned. The Inconsiderate Asshole Project in ON and we're watching you!
http://www.civilityproject.org/
Mark, along with a Jewish guy, and a couple of people that have worked for the current and past presidents and who are all fed up with lack of civilness in which we treat each other are asking us, as a society, to be civil in our public discourse and behavior, be respectful of others whether or not we agree with them, and to stand against incivility when we see it.
While I admire the nobility of such a project, (because, god knows, most people are dickheads) I think it could use a little Slap Hand to push it over the top. Therefore I am launching my own project:
THE INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE PROJECT
First of all... a little background on this subject. This past weekend on my way back to OKC I stopped at one of those "center of the turnpike" restaurant/gas station combos where I found cars lined up 3 and 4 deep to get gas. After several minutes of waiting my turn I arrived at the pump.
Let me paint this scene for you... the gas station had two pumps in a row. I pulled up to the second pump, so there was a guy in front of me that I would not be able to pass unless he moved. I had allowed the car at the pump prior to my pulling in to back out because the person in front of them was not in their car. In other words he was using the pump space as a parking space while he was inside getting snacks, pissin, or doing something inside the station.
Anywho... I pulled up and when I got done filling my car up with gas the guy in front of me came walking out of the gas station with what looked like a 78 oz. cup of pop, and a bag of snacks and crap... I thought, "good, he'll pull out and I will follow." Evidently so did the guy behind me and consequently he pulled up right behind me, the guy behind him did the same, and so, on and so on. There were now 4 cars right on my ass waiting on me to move.
Low and behold the dumb ass who had spent, at least, the time it takes to fill up two cars in the store, starts pumping his gas. WTF! Why wasn't he pumping gas when he was in the store (and don't give me that prepay crap, because I watched him slide his card into the pump)? There was a car at the pump next to him so it did not look like I could squeeze through in order to clear my space for the car behind me. And, since the 4 cars behind me had pulled right up on my ass I couldn't back out. I was stuck.
So, I waited while this guy sat in his truck and pumped gas.
Finally his pump shut off, he was full. Now we could get moving. But wait... now what's this sonofabitch doing... he's cleaning his windshield. Why the f*** couldn't he have done that while his truck was filling up. WTFnF!
My temper now boiling, I ordered my wife to fold in the mirror. I was going through. And, that's just what I did, with about 3 inches to spare on each side, of the car. Now while I was carefully sliding between this dumb f***s car and the one next to him I looked over at him and he gave me a look like I was some inconsiderate asshole. To which I told him...
nothing.
Absolutely nothing. In fact I turned away when he glared at me, acting as if I didn't see him.
And that is where Mark DeMoss and his friends have inspired me. Just like their project to demand civility out of society, I will demand consideration from society in an uncivil way. In other words, I am not going to let that shit slide anymore. Because I am a devout believer in the Inconsiderate Asshole Project.
I will no longer sit passively while I watch motherf***ers like gas pump guy be the inconsiderate assholes that they are.
Nope, from now on they are gonna hear from me. I'm sick as shit of their inconsiderate ways, their lack of common sense, and their inability to just be decent. So, watch the f*** out.
Next time at the gas pump this is how it's gonna play out - Gas pump guy gets out to clean his windshield after holding everyone up for about 10 minutes so he can do his own thing. Fed up I decide to drive between him and the car next to him. He shoots me a dirty look. I roll down my window and say, "you wanna know why the f*** I'm doing this sh!thead. Look behind me... we've all been waiting on your dumb ass to move so we get our gas and get the f*** outta here. Instead of taking your sweet time to piss and get your snacks, gas, and clean your window, why don't you do this... pull up to the pump, start pumping gas, clean your windshield while the pump is doing it's thing, and then pull into a parking space and to piss and get your f***ing snacks. Doesn't that make more sense you INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE!
America be warned. The Inconsiderate Asshole Project in ON and we're watching you!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Suspecious Death
And, not because she may have been on drugs.
http://movies.yahoo.com/photos/collections/gallery/2291/brittany-murphy-19772009/fp#iinfo
Let me just throw this out there...
I think Tiger Woods had Brittany Murphy killed.
You are the richest sports celebrity in the world... the first Billionaire sports figure. You could do that, you could have someone whacked. The last few weeks have been utter hell on you. The press is all over you like like one of your whores. They've torn your life apart. So there you are sittin' on your yacht "Privacy" off some private island, thinking... "What the hell just happen. A few weeks ago I was just living my life with my wife and kids and banging about 57 chicks on the side and now... I'm the dick. What'd I do? Now, how can I get these clowns to quit diggin' through my life before they find some real dirt on me... like about the HGH I take and the fact that I like to dress like a school girl and have my bitches spank me, and the real serious shit, like, I don't really drink Gatorade. I remember back earlier this summer everyone was freaking out about the swine flu and then Dom Deluise (see "swine who" post) died and everyone forgot all about the Swine flu... Do I know any B rate actors..."
And the rest is history.
OK, maybe it didn't happen like that, but when everyone else was saying, "oh my god Brittany Murphy died," Tiger was saying, "oh thank god Brittany Murphy died."
http://movies.yahoo.com/photos/collections/gallery/2291/brittany-murphy-19772009/fp#iinfo
Let me just throw this out there...
I think Tiger Woods had Brittany Murphy killed.
You are the richest sports celebrity in the world... the first Billionaire sports figure. You could do that, you could have someone whacked. The last few weeks have been utter hell on you. The press is all over you like like one of your whores. They've torn your life apart. So there you are sittin' on your yacht "Privacy" off some private island, thinking... "What the hell just happen. A few weeks ago I was just living my life with my wife and kids and banging about 57 chicks on the side and now... I'm the dick. What'd I do? Now, how can I get these clowns to quit diggin' through my life before they find some real dirt on me... like about the HGH I take and the fact that I like to dress like a school girl and have my bitches spank me, and the real serious shit, like, I don't really drink Gatorade. I remember back earlier this summer everyone was freaking out about the swine flu and then Dom Deluise (see "swine who" post) died and everyone forgot all about the Swine flu... Do I know any B rate actors..."
And the rest is history.
OK, maybe it didn't happen like that, but when everyone else was saying, "oh my god Brittany Murphy died," Tiger was saying, "oh thank god Brittany Murphy died."
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Top 5 Predictions for the Century
I recently read an article about how Richard Branson will begin offering flights to space for the low dollar price of $200,000 a seat... for 5 minutes of weightlessness (that's 40 thou a minute, ouch) which lead me to this article...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews_deca/ynews_deca_ts1011
... which got me to thinking about predictions for the rest of the century and figured, what the hell;
TOP 5 PREDICTIONS FOR THE REST OF THE CENTURY - by BHanDaMan
1. I will not have the opportunity (translation: be able to afford) to travel in space... but my kids will. I figure by the time my kids are 50, which would put us around 2050, they will be able to afford and still be in good enough shape to take a trip in space... I'd be 76... still kicking but no spring chicken, probably living on a defunct social security system and a shitty 401K. I'll need to buy my meds before I can afford to fly off into the depths of space. So, I'll probably miss out on this one.
2. Pretty much nothing will change with world government in the next 90 years. And, let me explain why. Anybody who is smart enough and carismatic enough to change the path of our government, let alone, the worlds governments is smart enough and carismatic enough to not want to put themselves under that much strain and stress. Someone like that is smart enough to go work for some corporation, where even if the f#$% up they still get a $100 million dollar severance package. As a world leader all you get is shit from the press, the other party, and probably your wife for never being around.
I mean just look at our world leaders today. They spend as much time trying to save face in the public eye as they do trying to solve problems. People lack the will and/or are just to stubborn to change.
For example, when our current President wanted to go on TV and talk to kids about education there were parents going ape shit all over this country. As if the President was gonna talk about worshiping Satan or try to tell our kids to go home and kill the family dog or something... I mean seriously, all he wanted to do was talk about the importance of an education in the lives of our youth and you'd think he was gonna have sex with a horse on TV the way people reacted.
And as for there being one secular government to rule the whole world. Not in this century. Not unless there is some cataclysmic event that brings everyone together for a common cause. However, this common cause would have to be something that didn't destroy the world but would still get everyones attention, cause lets face it, if a big 'ol asteroid hits earth and all hell breaks loose... then it's Thunderdome baby... two men enter, one man leaves.
The only thing that comes to mind is a visit from a ultra intelligent space entity that tells us to get our shit together or they'll blow us to bits, like the Day the Earth Stood Still.
I mean seriously, we can't even get together to work on civil rights, global warming, or even find some guy in a desert that everyone knows is responsible for the deaths of almost 3000 people. If we can't get together on these things how are we supposed to overlook all our other differences and unite under one common government. Again, not in this century.
3. There will be flying cars, but you are too dumb to get a license for them, nor can you afford it, nor would I want your dumb ass flying over my house. This seems to be a common want for people in the future. Can you picture that dumb ass that can't manage to stay between two lines or the prick that cut you off this morning in a car... that flies... seriously, would you want that?
However, there will be flying cars, its inevitable, just because people want them, but a special license will be required to fly one and it will be even harder to get then a current pilots license. It just won't make sense for the everyday-man or woman to have one and be flying all over hell and gone doing god knows what over my house and kids playground.
I do think there will be some sort of flying train or ferry or something that gets people across cities and from town to town... I could see something like that.; like a bus route in the sky. We won't have to clear land to make tracks... we'll commute on predetermined and scheduled skyways. But for the everyday man and woman, piloting a flying car is not in our future so we might as well enjoy the scene from our car window cause that's as good as it's gonna get.
4. The greatest leaps in science and technology will be made in the medical fields. In the next 90 years the leaps and advances in the medical fields will be the things most remembered in the century. I foresee cures for cancer, AIDS, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and many more. I also see the invention of super vitamins that make us smarter and stronger. I see pills that burn fat, create muscle, improve complexions and grow hair. We'll be able to grow body parts; skin, hearts, muscle tissue, etc. We'll live longer and be pains in our parents asses for a long, long time
I also think in the future that kids will be implanted with a chip that keeps their family and their own medical history on it and it will alert them when there is a potential problem with their body. "beep, beep... your fat ass is about to have a heart attack."
In 2099 the advances in medicine over the past century will be the talk of the town.
5. Three words; Computer Body Implants. Ahh, yes. In the next 90 years you will be fitted with a CBI... Computer Body Implants. Much like your desktop you have now your CBI can be used for you to dictate a term paper, surf the Internet, figure your bills, and for all types of communication. Special glasses and/or contacts will allow you to see a virtual screen (think Teminator) and movements of the CBI implants in your fingers, feet, and tongue will allow you to control your processes. Cell phones, PDA's, laptops, et all will be obsolete. Apples version will even come with a little apple tattoo that you place on your skin, like a piece of tape, that imprints a permanent tattoo onto your skin. You heard it here first.
Check back here in 2099 and see if I got anything right... use your CBI to access me at slaphand.blogspot.com.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews_deca/ynews_deca_ts1011
... which got me to thinking about predictions for the rest of the century and figured, what the hell;
TOP 5 PREDICTIONS FOR THE REST OF THE CENTURY - by BHanDaMan
1. I will not have the opportunity (translation: be able to afford) to travel in space... but my kids will. I figure by the time my kids are 50, which would put us around 2050, they will be able to afford and still be in good enough shape to take a trip in space... I'd be 76... still kicking but no spring chicken, probably living on a defunct social security system and a shitty 401K. I'll need to buy my meds before I can afford to fly off into the depths of space. So, I'll probably miss out on this one.
2. Pretty much nothing will change with world government in the next 90 years. And, let me explain why. Anybody who is smart enough and carismatic enough to change the path of our government, let alone, the worlds governments is smart enough and carismatic enough to not want to put themselves under that much strain and stress. Someone like that is smart enough to go work for some corporation, where even if the f#$% up they still get a $100 million dollar severance package. As a world leader all you get is shit from the press, the other party, and probably your wife for never being around.
I mean just look at our world leaders today. They spend as much time trying to save face in the public eye as they do trying to solve problems. People lack the will and/or are just to stubborn to change.
For example, when our current President wanted to go on TV and talk to kids about education there were parents going ape shit all over this country. As if the President was gonna talk about worshiping Satan or try to tell our kids to go home and kill the family dog or something... I mean seriously, all he wanted to do was talk about the importance of an education in the lives of our youth and you'd think he was gonna have sex with a horse on TV the way people reacted.
And as for there being one secular government to rule the whole world. Not in this century. Not unless there is some cataclysmic event that brings everyone together for a common cause. However, this common cause would have to be something that didn't destroy the world but would still get everyones attention, cause lets face it, if a big 'ol asteroid hits earth and all hell breaks loose... then it's Thunderdome baby... two men enter, one man leaves.
The only thing that comes to mind is a visit from a ultra intelligent space entity that tells us to get our shit together or they'll blow us to bits, like the Day the Earth Stood Still.
I mean seriously, we can't even get together to work on civil rights, global warming, or even find some guy in a desert that everyone knows is responsible for the deaths of almost 3000 people. If we can't get together on these things how are we supposed to overlook all our other differences and unite under one common government. Again, not in this century.
3. There will be flying cars, but you are too dumb to get a license for them, nor can you afford it, nor would I want your dumb ass flying over my house. This seems to be a common want for people in the future. Can you picture that dumb ass that can't manage to stay between two lines or the prick that cut you off this morning in a car... that flies... seriously, would you want that?
However, there will be flying cars, its inevitable, just because people want them, but a special license will be required to fly one and it will be even harder to get then a current pilots license. It just won't make sense for the everyday-man or woman to have one and be flying all over hell and gone doing god knows what over my house and kids playground.
I do think there will be some sort of flying train or ferry or something that gets people across cities and from town to town... I could see something like that.; like a bus route in the sky. We won't have to clear land to make tracks... we'll commute on predetermined and scheduled skyways. But for the everyday man and woman, piloting a flying car is not in our future so we might as well enjoy the scene from our car window cause that's as good as it's gonna get.
4. The greatest leaps in science and technology will be made in the medical fields. In the next 90 years the leaps and advances in the medical fields will be the things most remembered in the century. I foresee cures for cancer, AIDS, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and many more. I also see the invention of super vitamins that make us smarter and stronger. I see pills that burn fat, create muscle, improve complexions and grow hair. We'll be able to grow body parts; skin, hearts, muscle tissue, etc. We'll live longer and be pains in our parents asses for a long, long time
I also think in the future that kids will be implanted with a chip that keeps their family and their own medical history on it and it will alert them when there is a potential problem with their body. "beep, beep... your fat ass is about to have a heart attack."
In 2099 the advances in medicine over the past century will be the talk of the town.
5. Three words; Computer Body Implants. Ahh, yes. In the next 90 years you will be fitted with a CBI... Computer Body Implants. Much like your desktop you have now your CBI can be used for you to dictate a term paper, surf the Internet, figure your bills, and for all types of communication. Special glasses and/or contacts will allow you to see a virtual screen (think Teminator) and movements of the CBI implants in your fingers, feet, and tongue will allow you to control your processes. Cell phones, PDA's, laptops, et all will be obsolete. Apples version will even come with a little apple tattoo that you place on your skin, like a piece of tape, that imprints a permanent tattoo onto your skin. You heard it here first.
Check back here in 2099 and see if I got anything right... use your CBI to access me at slaphand.blogspot.com.
Tiger
Give up.
http://www.tmz.com/
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20325232,00.html?xid=rss-fullcontentcnn
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/12/04/tiger.woods.role.model/index.html#cnnSTCText
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/joe_posnanski/12/04/tiger.woods/index.html
The strangest thing happened last night... I got a call from Tiger Woods. I wasn't home but he left me a message.
Hey
It's uh...
It's Tiger
I need you to do me a huge favor.
Um...
Can you
please
uh...
please erase your memory for the last 11 days
my wife is pissed
and
uh
she basically wants everyone to erase those days
she
may be
calling you.
So if you can
please
just erase your memory.
And um.
What do you call it?
Just fill the void with pleasant memories of me and my hot wife together
happily.
Just have it as your new memory.
OK?
You got to do this for me.
Huge.
Quickly.
All right.
Bye.
It was quite weird.
Seriously dude... just give up. At last count you've slept with a third of the women in the U.S. and a few chicks in Dubai. You've slept with more chicks then Serta. If the press keeps digging they'll probably find my wife's name for Christ sake.
I always thought eventually Nike would name a series of clubs after you, little did I know it would be your Johnson... "Tigers Wood... women love it... men want to swing it!"
You've laid more pipe than AT&T.
You've gotten more ass than a proctologist.
You should change your name from Tiger to Cheetah.
Now your mother-in-law appears to have been taken to the hospital... from your house. WTF. (Please don't have slept with her)
Dude, just give up.
If this keeps up they'll discover you beat baby seals and sell crack cocaine... that you hate kids and occasionally have straddled the fence... with a midget... and his mother. Eventually they will twist it so that you suck at golf. It will happen.
And your wife. She's pretty hot, but I guess it just goes to show you... no matter how hot they are there is someone out there who is sick and tired of their shit.
Seriously... give up.
http://www.tmz.com/
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20325232,00.html?xid=rss-fullcontentcnn
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/12/04/tiger.woods.role.model/index.html#cnnSTCText
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/joe_posnanski/12/04/tiger.woods/index.html
The strangest thing happened last night... I got a call from Tiger Woods. I wasn't home but he left me a message.
Hey
It's uh...
It's Tiger
I need you to do me a huge favor.
Um...
Can you
please
uh...
please erase your memory for the last 11 days
my wife is pissed
and
uh
she basically wants everyone to erase those days
she
may be
calling you.
So if you can
please
just erase your memory.
And um.
What do you call it?
Just fill the void with pleasant memories of me and my hot wife together
happily.
Just have it as your new memory.
OK?
You got to do this for me.
Huge.
Quickly.
All right.
Bye.
It was quite weird.
Seriously dude... just give up. At last count you've slept with a third of the women in the U.S. and a few chicks in Dubai. You've slept with more chicks then Serta. If the press keeps digging they'll probably find my wife's name for Christ sake.
I always thought eventually Nike would name a series of clubs after you, little did I know it would be your Johnson... "Tigers Wood... women love it... men want to swing it!"
You've laid more pipe than AT&T.
You've gotten more ass than a proctologist.
You should change your name from Tiger to Cheetah.
Now your mother-in-law appears to have been taken to the hospital... from your house. WTF. (Please don't have slept with her)
Dude, just give up.
If this keeps up they'll discover you beat baby seals and sell crack cocaine... that you hate kids and occasionally have straddled the fence... with a midget... and his mother. Eventually they will twist it so that you suck at golf. It will happen.
And your wife. She's pretty hot, but I guess it just goes to show you... no matter how hot they are there is someone out there who is sick and tired of their shit.
Seriously... give up.
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