Worst Invention Ever

Two things have me upset today...

1. My vacation is over.

2. I saw a commercial for the worst invention ever. The Cami Secret.

The Cami Secret is a piece of cloth about the size of a handkerchief that a woman would connect to her bra straps that lays across her chest to cover up her cleavage while wearing a low cut blouse.

Who in their right mind invents a device designed to cover up a woman's cleavage. I swear to all that is holy if a man invented this I will track him down like a coon, kill him, and make a hat out of his skin.

Cleavage rocks. Cleavage is power. It should not be covered up... it should be revered, worshiped, it should be showered with confetti in a parade.

Just look at this lame ass commercial.
http://camisecret.com/Default.asp?bhcp=1

The woman in the video is kinda hot, her cleavage is happenin. Yet she is all embarrassed, pulling up her sweater like she's ashamed. I guarantee the guy in the video is thinking, "Wow! I gotta give this chick a raise... after all she's giving me one... in my pants."

After she puts on the Cami Secret he's thinking, "hmmm, when did my grandma start working here. Surely there is some other young, hot, cleavage bearing woman out there who would like to work for me more than nun Mary here."

They also claim is saves you the embarrassment of having your blouse pop open by faulty safety pins or other devices used to hide your cleavage. If I am on a date and a woman's blouse pops open I would probably propose to her right at that moment... at the very least I'd pick up the tab and a new pair of underwear after I soiled mine.

In fact, if someone were savvy enough they'd invent a device that pops open revealing a lush bounty of cleavage to the gazing eye. I can hear the commercial now... "Tired of not feeling attractive, not being noticed, not garnering the attention of would be suitors... well, now there's Cami Poppers. With the subtle flex of your shoulders go from boring to BaBoom, from ho-hum to Holy-Sh!t. (Cami Poppers are a patent pending device that work by popping open your blouse using a spring activated mechanism that operates by simply gently flexing your shoulders revealing eye popping cleavage). That attractive coworker not noticing you (flex, POP!) 'Hey, how are you?' Your boss not going to give you that raise (flex, POP!) 'I hope two grand a week is OK.' Yes, Cami Poppers are guaranteed to take you from being 'that girl over there,' to 'you know... the one with the tits,' in no time at all. (Cami poppers are not sold in stores) And if you order in the next hour Cami Poppers will make available to you Cami Nips, siliconized nipple inserts that make it look cold in here... all the time. FOR FREE! Yes sir, the headlights ARE on. Order yours today!"

Cami Poppers would kill it.

Cami Secret, on the other hand, will get you fired, ignored, and lends itself to a celibate life. Cami Secret is the devil's work. They reek of Communism. It is a clothing favorite of 40 year old single virgins everywhere. You know the one... she looks down her nose at you for wearing a skirt that rises above your ankles, she wears long sleeve shirts, even in summer, everything she owns is plaid, yeah, that troll, you know who we're talking about.

So, all you women out there, don't fall for the trap. Be proud to bear your boob crack. Flaunt it. Frame it. Don't be ashamed... be awesome. Cleavage ROCKS!

p.s. If you don't believe me, look at what Allison Mosier has to say. You may recognize her from the infomercial for Cami Secret... in her blog she states, "The Cami Secret is a modern day version of the Dickie that covers up cleavage. Now why on earth would you want to do that? In the commercial I get to sport an unattractive bra and then repeatedly cover up the only thing that makes the bra look good." Nuff said. - http://allison-mosier.blogspot.com/